"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest."

THE END... For now...

2005-08-08T21:10:00.000+01:00

Thanks to everyone for reading the trials and tribulations of a demented sugar puff for the last 9 months or so... Its been great having you with me. However, Ive decided to move this site on for my own personal reasons. From the new site, you will beable to access this diary and my previous one... Feels strange that its been going for well over a year and a half now over two diarys. It has admittedly come quite a hobby of mine and if I do something interesting I look forward to updating (even though a lot of the time its a load of frollox that I write.) It must be understood that I do not write this intending on people reading it and "oohing and awwing" at it...I fully understand that some people think that this is a load of tripe and choose not to read it. (or to read it and pretend they dont! lol!) Nor do I aim my blog at anyone inparticular or delve too far into my private life (believe me, I could write a fookin book!) I save all that shite for my true friends! (And Im sure that by now, they know who they are!) I do enjoy your feedback but preliminarily this has always been just for me. I do it so that I can look back in months/years to come and see what I was up to at certain times of a certain year. It has proved valuable even in the short time that I have had it! Sooo, one final thought to leave you with.... No matter how glamerous a train station is, Why are the toilets always so goddamned disgusting... Believe me, on two occasions I needed the lav over the weekend. Once in stoke and once in chester... and my god... I swear I may as well have just pissed on myself! In fact, I didnt wash my hands for fear of what comes out of the taps in these disgusting places, been worse than wat comes out of my Jap-eye!! If anyone would like to follow me on my travels, throw me an email, durn2k@aol.com and I wi;; give you the link.. dont be shy.. :) xxxx Take care :) Adie xxxxx xxx xx x

Wot a strange weekend....

2005-08-08T07:13:00.000+01:00

Ive learnt alot about myself this weekend... * Im a lot cleverer than I once thought... * Im a lot dumber than I once thought... * Some people need to be kept at a distance Well spose thats better than nothing eh?! Its been an absolutely mad one... I could start from the beginning and go all the way through start to finish on the events that have taken place... But u know something, some things should just remain private.... besides, if I told you then I would look like a bit of a toss pot which is not something that Im in a rush of promoting. Me and Richard have been going through a pretty bad patch the last couple of weeks... Probably the worst yet... and this weekend, the relaitonship really has been tested to its limit... But we seem to be coming out of the other end now which is good... These obstacles keep jumpin up in front of us and we keep "hayaaing "kung foo chopping" them down! Lets just hope that its time to enjoy the relationship a little bit more now for a while eh?! As some may or may not know, I went to chetser this weekend to see my mate Natt. Had a really really good night with em both. Carol is lovely... I expected nothing less of course! After a drunken dance, a drunken brawl (nights not the same without one is it?!?) and then a hungover making up session, I went home and promised to return very soon (hopefully with richard this time!) No drink next time though! Got to say tho, even tho there was alcohol enduced arguing sessions with them, I still really enjoyed myself! Felt a bit guilty about the fact!! heheheh!! Sooo, all in all I have had an absolutely manic weekend! Not one I wish to repeat in the near future, mainly due to the fact of my heart not been able to take it... but, definitely a productive weekend!! Right then, bath time!! :) xxxxxxxxx

2005-08-05T07:29:00.000+01:00

Good Morning, Well.. I think im as ready as I can be for chester now... Although, do you ever have a feeling that you have forgot something rather important? Im a bit like that at the moment... We shall soon see... Ive been awake since 6am. feel like Ive had a much better sleep that the last few nights though which is coool! :) Richard came around last night and we had a nice night watching telly and me drifting in and out of sleepy boos! Am seeing him on Saturday night now when I come back from Chester and we is going to do summink although what still remains a bit of a mystery!! Right... best continue my packing! MWAH xxx

The hangover of hangovers...

2005-08-04T19:41:00.000+01:00

Anyone ever felt like their head is going to fall off?? Thats how I have been alll day... I got in from a night out last night at around 4am and had a whole 3 hours sleep before awaking from slumber and trecking to work. I feel so tired its unreal. I actually am beginning to fear that I may indeed be dying! But dont worry about me (woh no!) Ill be fine... Sniff sniff! *WAHHHH* Anyway, Im goin to chester tomorrow (and now natalie, you may apologise...lol!) so am rather lookin forward to that! Will be coming back saturday afternoon me thinks so may go and do a spot of shopping with me lesbo! But its gonna be fun fun fun and im even takin me disposable (camera, that is!!!) ... I need to pack tho... I keep lookin at my bag that im takin and twitching my nose at it in the vain hope that it will begin to pack itself... But its not working... even a little bit! Hahahahha!! I think im having a nice lazy night tonight anyway.. Richard is coming around.. I can actually feel myself falling asleep at the moment so god knows what IM going to be like tomorrow!! Gonna see if I can leave work around 20 mins early so that I can get to the train station for the 17.21pm train. gtg xx

Give me a break....

2005-08-03T06:34:00.000+01:00

Mornin, Feel like ive had about an hours sleep last night... Not feeling too clever at all this morning!! Im going to attempt to do absolutely no work today! Nothing whatsoever! And when they ask why, im going to tell them because I "dont DO work.." Hmmm.... Richard worked out some routes for our holiday and brought them home yesterday... We are thinking of going from Manchester to London, London to Abu dabi, abu dabi to Bangkok, Bangkok to phuket and then allllll the way back again! Needless to say, if this happens then Im either going to be terrified of flying EVER again by the end of it, or Ill be have exposed to soo much "plane danger" that I will no longer give a flying fuck! By the way, have we all seen the air france plane that has crashed in Toronto... Doesnt bear thinking about... bloody hate planes! I am hoping that I do end up going away on the above but am not going to start looking forward to anything until its all booked up for us. Anyway, failing the above, I think Ive decided that I will probably go to the canaries or something.... Who with tho, I do not know... Any offers? no? didnt think so... bloody bastards... Right, Im meant to be going to the gym this morning, but after getting to bed and to sleep around 2pm, I dont think I can be bothered to be honest. Although I am eating like an absolute bastard at the moment, I seem to be losing weight slowly but surely... What that is about, God only knows! ;) Im sure ive just heard a gun shot and someone scream outside.. I swear its getting like something out of beverley hills in this fuckin street!! and its only 6.46am on a Wednesday morning!! Shocking... See ya laters alligators! :) xxxxxx

"Ohh happy day (oooh happy dayyy)"

2005-08-02T14:09:00.000+01:00

Hiya! Well, What a bloody beautiful day it is today! The sun is shining, and I am not feeling too stressed at all today which, as of late, makes a lovely change! Am sicking of being stressed at work… Have had quite a nice start to the week actually except yesterday that was poo… but 50% aint bad!!) … We went out for a meal and then to the club on Saturday (which never ceases to disappoint me! Harris was absolutely paraletic… I think im going to inform him the next time he is in that state that he is bordering 40 and should no longer be trying to out-jig 12 year olds…) and then on Sunday we were due to go Llandudno for the day but due to unforeseen circumstances, (no, I don’t wanna talk about it!) this went tits up and we ended up going to see Charlie and the chocolate factory and going to pizza hut instead that was quite nice!! Hopefully over the next week or so, I should have a solid idea of where im going to be going on holiday this year. One things for sure, Im definitely going somewhere, although where remains a mystery at the moment… Whether it be Bangkok, or Bognor, Im sure it will be nice. Ive never really been fussy about where I go… as long as its sunny, I am an extremely happy bunny!! Anyway, I will keep u posted on this! I have quite a bit of money saved for it now anyway!! Have been doing quite a lot of painting over the last few weeks with Fay. I think Im becoming a dab hand at it now and am even starting to think that I may give my “abode” a bit of a spritz up… could do with some new doors, some new carpet and a new house to put them in tho! Nahh, its not that bad but the place could do with a bit of a touch up job! Fuck it, think ill wait till Im in somewhere I can be arsed to do up!! J Am going to the Orange Tree for a meal tonight. Its quite nice and equally as cheap so Ill be quite happy scoffing away like there is no tomorrow… So heres ur update… Ill write soon.. Promise! Ade xxxx

Something to think about.. ;)

2005-07-30T18:44:00.000+01:00

EVER WONDER... "if superglue is so good why doesnt it stick to the inside of the tube?"...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?...why women cant put on mascara with there mouth closed?...why you dont ever see the headline "psychic wins lottery"?...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?...why doctors call what they do "practice"? ...why you have to click on "start" to stop windows xp?...why lemon juice is made with artifical flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?...why the man who invests all your money is called a "broker"?...why there isnt a mouse flavored cat food?...who tastes dog food when it had a "new & improved flavor"?...why Noah didnt swat those two mosquitoes?...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?...why they dont make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?...why sheep dont shirnk when it rains?... I weigh 11 stone 2!!! (fook knows how!) xxx

The weekend!

2005-07-30T08:13:00.000+01:00

I know that this weekend, I have fully earned my break... Fair enough, Im at work this morning but then im off for the next two Saturdays which is rather good! Again, I have nothing to say... Its not for want of trying that I dont update this as often as I used to... Its just that I have absolutely fuck all to say... Things are a bit... well.. normal with everything at the moment... Plod on n all of that, so... what to say... I suppose I could mention that it is now about 3 weeks until my sister gives birth... Cant quite work out if Im looking forward to it or not yet... I know when the little bleeders out of where its coming from ill be chuffed to bits... but its getting there aint it... Kind of like trying to squeeze an ostrich egg through a keyhole... u see my dilemma?

Tonight me and Richard are going to go for a meal somewhere quite local I think... Not quite sure whether there is anywhere in stoke that doesnt indirectly attempt to poison every poor fucker with the "delights" that they offer but we shall see!! Failing that I suppose some form of piss up will be in order... but we shall see where the day takes us!

Anyway... Best go get a bath.. Think im obsessed with baths lately... Having 2-3 a day! Oh well.. Never let me be accused of being a smelly gay!! xxx

Wot a poo week!

2005-07-28T18:26:00.000+01:00

Well I feel like im doing nothing but work work work this week.. Its getting a bit much.. purely heightened by the fact that work quite obviously think that Im doing absolutely fine as they pile more and more (and more and more) work on my saggy little shoulders... I sersiously do not know how much this little homo can take before he swings for some bastard! The only good thing I have got to say is that I have got an application form for the NHS doing some shitty job thats even less money than I get paid at the moment (I didnt think that this was possible either but its happened!) so im going to spend a while filling that in a flying it off in the right direction... Although, I have this funny feeling that the closing date is tomorrow (so what was the point in sending me the fookin application form... My name is not Superman, superwoman nor superfukidebunny!!! Damn! Anyway... Went and watched the fantastic four last night... and I thought it was... well, fantastic... A must for anyone who likes cheesy movies... Right then, bath time for smelly me!! :) xxx

A waffle...

2005-07-26T07:25:00.000+01:00

I started writing this already once but my net has deaded so Im gonna try again on a different computer!! I appear to have awoken from slumber with a dead arm this morning... Actually, if my face is anything to go by, then thats looking a little bit dead as well... certainly a little lob sided... Maybe Ive had a stroke (keep your comments to yourself!) Oh well, It can wait till after breakfast I suppose! What would I would like to do tonight is come in from work, go the gym, have some dinner and then just go to bed and sleep for 12 hours but unfortunately, I have said that I will go painting around Fays house and I do wanna go! I just feel so knackered its unreal! At this rate, im going to end up with my face flat in a bucket of white emulsion! I better be invited to the fookin house warming or there will be trouble! Ricardo came around last night and we had a lazy night.... I think I need a lazy week... In fact, fuck it.. I want a lazy life!! There was a bit of a confuffle surrounding my ex, a swapped shirt and a tuna, mayo and sweetcorn toastie but I think it was all sorted by the end of last night! (sorted as in, Richie now knows I didnt slip my ex anything other than my top to borrow) Actually, speaking of the devil, I had a text from Adrian this morning saying that he went out on Sunday night to Newcastle and got paraletically pissed (hes a bit of an alcoholic since we split... I seem to drive men to drink... Dont know what it is...) Anyway, Ive seen him when he is pissed and he can be a right camp eejit at times and a straight lad started on him in fluid, (i think!) started pushing him about...oh dear... big mistake... Now, I have been on the receiving end of one of Adrians kickings and can quite understand that the lad who attempted to "gaybash" him ended up getting totally battered while his friends watched on (I dont think you would ever live down been beaten up by a puff would ya?!!) There is no need for gay bashing in this day and age! The thing is, Id expect to get beaten up if I was all over Richard somewhere but not just for the way I act...Live and let live for fuck sake... Sad bastards... Works killing me... Im weighing up whether it was worth the whole £30.00 more a month for this super promotion... In short... No!!!!! Oh well! There we go... Proper update! :) xxx

Good Mornink!

2005-07-25T06:03:00.000+01:00

Hellooo.. Im getting a bit lapsy daisy with this aint I? I have noted that Im not doing as well as I could do but at the moment I just havent got as much to say as I usually would have. Had a totally shit nights sleep last night. Was waking up every 20 minutes without fail so feeling a little bit rough this morning! Work is also going to be a bit of a bitch because 3 senior co ordinators out of 5 are off and its the two that are left job to cover for them. I think Ill possibly have had a breakdown by Friday but Ill keep you updated. Me and Ricardo had a bit of a tiff over the weekend but things seem to be sorted now which is rather pleasing! Err... Better have a bath I spose! Catch u laterz XxXxXx

gone!

2005-07-23T13:22:00.000+01:00

Sorry not updating this much.. Chesney hawkes is on at the club tonight.. How shocking is that.. on a scale of 1/10 id say we are at about 8! Bloody marvellous... Anyway... Have nothing to wear as I wore my sla la la la linky outfit last night so my mate is bringing around various outfits for me to try on today. :) xxxx

Slipping away...

2005-07-21T22:25:00.000+01:00

Hellopies.. Short and sweet... Am still alive... Still kicking... And its friday tomorrow.. Woot woot! :) x

Painting...

2005-07-20T22:10:00.000+01:00

I been to Fays tonight painting...Was in a right stonky mood at work so it cheered me up when she invited me around. Doesnt feel like your actually doing any work when your having a chin wag! Anyway.. Not got much more to say.. Not seen richard since sunday as he still not well... .. *yawn* me sleepy... Bed calling... Nite nite xxx

Oh and by the fucking way...

2005-07-18T22:28:00.000+01:00

Does anyone... ANYONE... Think I look like Eugene off Big bro.. I got myself all glammed up, went shopping and got stopped by a drunk who told me I did.. answers on a postcard please! :( x

Dublin and my 21st :)

2005-07-18T21:23:00.000+01:00

Good evening everyone... Well Im back from Dublin and am gonna face goin back to work tomorrow like a man... (yeah, kicking and screaming as always!) Anyway, My birthday was excellent (although I am becoming increasingly annoyed that I didnt manage to get sozzled at any point over it!) Dublin was... ok... It wasnt crap.. And it wasnt amazing... we made the most of a bad situation (can you tell that this has been rehearsed?) Nah, but seriously, Richard has been really really poorly when we were over there and, thinking back, he was bloody good and made more of an effort than I could have done if I was put in the same situation as him. It just took away the nights off us really... and the ability for him to eat himself half to death as I did! LOL! (Note to self.. diet starts tomorrow!) We had some really nice moments there anyway:- The most memorable night that I am going to have is probably the night which we did the least... But it was just nice... It was Friday night and we decided to stay in and We both had a shower and then shoved our towelling robes on (which our swanky hotel provided!) and ordered room service food (which was bloody excellent!) and then we watched big brother and just generally lazed about. It was just nice... Cant really explain... just us two... together... im being soppy.. anyway, a bit of a dampener was put on my fire when we took our plates outside the door and got locked out... in our robes.. two gays... It was shocking...I ran to the lift and rang reception from there who sent someone up immediatly to save me the embarassment of going into the main reception area of a 5* hotel.. Thee room service was also a tad embarrassing when they pushed their way into the room (Do they not understand that we didnt need them to "serve it up!) where I was in a double bed in my robe and richard was standing in his robe.... It must have looked like we were a right pair of gays (which we are.. so i spose that makes it all ok!) I think Richard is needing a bit of an Adie Poo detox now anyway... I started feelin as if I was annoying him towards the end of the holiday... Think its cos he wasnt really able to speak and I insisted on talking to him... But hey, its good to talk! :) Anyway, hes been the doctors today and hes got infections left right and centre so the doctor has given him some magic tablets and so he will hopefully be a little bit better soon :) I dont know what? My birthday this year was unlike any other Ive had... But it was lovely... heres a run down of what I had:- A white gold diamond ring off my mum plus some money £100.00 off Beverley Anne which I have been shopping with today plus an absolutely fab card! got me photo in n everything! :) All things I listed off dad :D All things I listed off Richard =oD A belt from work (a poosh one) Loads of tit bits like wood jewellery, pen for work etc etc etc :) All other years Ive always had good birthdays and im not pretending that I havent as everyone has always made an effort, but it was nice to have exactly what I wanted... you know sometimes ur left thinking.. that was great, but... well.. there have been no buts.. I have had the best 21st I could have wished for except the whole getting wrecked... but... does that really matter? Nopies... :) Right then, Im goin to sleepy byes now... I got to go to bed cos im walking work tomorrow morning.. not too impressed with that concept! :'( nite nite all.. sleep tight! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

2005-07-18T21:22:00.000+01:00

The only pic I managed to get when we went Dublin zoo.. (I forgot my camera and phone to take any so had to rely on richards cam! Bloody tit ed aint I?! No answers needed on there btw! ;) x

2005-07-18T21:20:00.000+01:00

A pretty door in Ireland.. There was not as many photo oppurtunities as u may think...lol!

2005-07-18T21:19:00.000+01:00

My hotel room in Ireland... Rather nice if I do say so myself... Very very very poosh!! :) xx

2005-07-18T21:18:00.000+01:00

awww... me teddy :) x

2005-07-18T21:14:00.000+01:00

My new watch (on my extremely hairy fairy arm!) My love bought me this ( I have wanted this for sooo long but had no idea he was buying it me!) , along with a bottle of DKNY, 2 massive packs of chewing gum (dunna know what hes trying to say there but we shall forgive!) a shirt, which is absolutely gowgeous (and not a cheapy either!) a 21st teddy bear (which ill put a photo on of in a min... and a mens travel skin care set thing (which is helping my skin loads!) and I think thats it... He was the only person I asked for prezzies off and he did me proper proud... Past birthdays have been a bit of a disaster.. lets see, for my 18th off my ex, I had a dog that was �250.00 that I had for all of 2 weeks before we split up and he gave it his mum... Lol.. Pisser!! So, best birthday ever! :) xxxxxxx

2005-07-18T20:56:00.000+01:00

Ok so u cant see in here.. But, my dad bought me a balloon with a teddy in holding 21 and a keyring saying adrian. As well as that my dad gave me 210 pound and about 13 pairs of shorts! Did rather well if I do say so myself!!

2005-07-14T03:09:00.000+01:00

I DID IT!!!! Woh yes!!!! Best Birthday EVERRRRR!!! Will give you a rundown of my prezzies when I get back!! Going to Dubbers now!! :) xxx

A blog aimed at the mystery comment leaver... (JASEY!)

2005-07-12T18:31:00.000+01:00

Would people leaving comments please either do just that or not bother because I keep on having posts with deleted comments and its beginning to annoy me somewhat.. This blog is meant for me to look back on and see whats happened, when and what people had to say about events.. (as we saw with natts comments when I split with richie! LOL!!) So please dont fuck about.. Either leave a comment, or dont... Cheers xxxx

Last day of work...

2005-07-12T06:53:00.000+01:00

Tis the last day of work for me today before I have "almost" a week off resting... Im quite looking forward to it. Just got to get today out of the road and then Im sure Ill be fine. It is my official birthday at work today anyway so it should be fun and games... Plus Lee is back in so hopefully I shall go all day without murdering anyone! :) I was in a cob last night.. When I say cob, I mean a full corn on the cob with butter on n everything... It was awful! I always reveal what I really think when Im like that but it never comes out the right way... Was best just for me to go bed and sleep it off! Anyway, tonight Ive got a meal with my dad in Crewe and then tomorrow am off work!! Woot woot... I cant quite work out whether Im in a good mood or a bad mood today?! LEts call it a good mood for now and see how the day pans out! Bought lots of cakes for work... Not very exciting ones though... I have bought my favourites nice ones thou... is that really bad? Do I care? Will they care? Why does it matter? And why oh why do fools fall in love!? See yaaa xxxx xxx xx x

My birthday week...

2005-07-11T07:39:00.000+01:00

Hiyaaa... Well the birthday meal was absolutely lovely (if you dont count me going for a nice walk in the garden and a bar tender stealing my drink that was almost full!!) ((We wont hold any grudges, woh no! Bastards!)) but seriously, was lovely! Just a quiet one with my thee immediate famille and richy poo then tomorrow I will be doing the same with my father dear!! Quite looking forward to it although Im not sure my poor tummy will beable to stomach 3 courses again... We shall see! :) So, dont know if Ive mentioned it but im baking my own birthday cake. Its going to be a hedgehog but Im not quite sure yet if Im going to do a brown one (as my nana does) a pink one, or a white choc one... Things could start getting difficult if I stray from the original recipe, but Ive never been one to follow guidelines anyway have I!? Its my final anti natal class tonight... I feel Ive come a long long way... I now know that, should I ever be up the duff, all the pain relief I shall need and where to go in the hospital to have the alien ripped from me! Tonight I think that the meeting is "becoming a family" I shall put my biggest bestest "Im the best uncle in the world" T-Shirt on and look at all the other common folk all smugly!! That will show em!! I wont be dropping noooo baby on its head... Ive seen the results from when it happened to me and wouldnt wanna wish that on anybody!! You may or may not have noticed that I dont seem to be writing as much lately... To be honest, Its not as fun without the comments. Jasey used to always leave em but without any its just a bit.. pointless... I know that there are a few people that read this and I know that there aint always something to say.. but throw me a bone now and again people!!! (no sarky comments abooot thee bone!) Have I mentioned Im going on a "short Break" in 3 days now!?!? No?!!? Well let me sit down, make a nice hot cup of tea and tell you alllll about it!!............................ .... Oi!!! Why u runnin off?! Get back ere!! Fukkas! xxxx

THINGS TO DO IN DUBLIN...

2005-07-09T16:39:00.000+01:00

Ive been thinking of what we can get up to while in dublin... So far Im at:- 1.) The guiness factory (I dont like guiness... gives me the trots...my dads would love it) 2.) Visit Dublin castle.. (I dont like castles.. Big and scary...my dad would love it) 3.) Visit Dublin Museum (Yawn... Boring boring boring...My dad would love it!) 4.) Ride the open top bus (too cold... busses are not my "forte" at the moment... My dad would love it! 5.) Eat at lots of restaurants and keep announcing to the waiters and anyone who cares to listen. that "the food aint as good as england... u could learn alot!" 6.) Buy a little green leprechaun outfit and skip down the street throwing chocolate gold coins and everyone while shouting "I love westlife, i do i do i do" In my best Irish accent at the top of my lungs... (now we're talking although in doing that, its quite posisble I would be coming home singlee... !) Actually, there is quite a lot of the above that I would like to do. We will just have to see....... Hmmm.... Tis my birthday mmeal tonight anyway. Am going to my little combermere arms again! Am quite looking forward to it!! (Mainly because Im not paying!)

"The War Of The Worlds"

2005-07-07T07:29:00.000+01:00

I cant believe how a film maker can be so right about one thing and so wrong about others... The effects in "The War Of The World" are second to none but the rest (including the actors) Is a big fat pile of wank! You know one of them films in which you just keep waiting for something to happen and then it never does? Yep, tis one of them... and with Tom Cruise as a Zero Hero and a little girl who pisses everyone right off throughout the film tagging along, you start to wish that one of the aliens would nuke the little drama queen! Other than that... Fantastic... Yeah... Right... I cant believe how quickly this week is going. I have never been so stressed at work but its a feeling that I quite like. I think things will get a little bit better when Lee is back off his holidays on Tuesday next week... which is fantastic because I go away on Wednesday next week! Am ready to swipe the wench who sits next to me though... Its as if my brain has got to work for both of us, and although you tell her something once, she just asks the same thing over and over again... AGHHH!!! Still loving this colourful writing... Think im going to stick with it... Unless Im in a rush that is!! Am going to go painting with Fay tonight. Quite lookin forward to it (can you burn cals from painting?! I had a twelve incher (ooo err!) from subway last night... No word of a lie though, I coudl have gone for a pub meal in less time than it took them to put the fucking thing together. It was simply ridiculous and bitchy will back me up on that one... Although the meatballs I had on it were loveeeelyyy!! I havent weighed myself for a few days now. I think it will be looking quite grim but its a little bit late to be doing anything about it now anyway so.... as wise . man once said..FUCK IT!!!! Right then... Gonna go now! will write laterz... xxxx

Grrr..

2005-07-06T07:22:00.000+01:00

I fucking hate this PC at times. I just wrote a whole blog and now I havent got time to fucking write it all again. Its aol.. total ball ache!!! basically said that I cant view any pics at work on my blog... is anyone else having probs?? Its only a week till my 21st which means only a week till I go on holiday to dublin to a swanky hotel (although the woman that gave us the stupidly cheap rate has now left..... and I hope she hasnt been fired.... u kno, for money laundering or fooling dumb holiday makers into thinking they can stay in a 5 star hotel for less than they would pay for a grotty bedsit on blackpool front...) We will soon see.. Im taking a cardboard box with me just incase! Am going to the cinema tonight to see War Of The Worlds... It something Ive wanted to see since it came out but I have this horrible feeling that Im going to fall asleep. Im not tired or anything but u know when u just know... Cant be as bad as a film I watched a few years ago.,.. Disneys Dinosaurs... My ex had to wake me up cos I was snoring... That was embarrassing!! Im liking these powder colours... Very impressed... Im going to use them more.. only trouble is, at the moment I cant see what Im bloody writing so am not sure if Im making any spelling mistakes... (i know what ur thinking.. Spelling mistakes!? Adrian!!? NEVER!!!) Going now.. xxxxxx (and if this doesnt publish then fuck u all!)

Some things I have learnt this weekend...

2005-07-04T07:19:00.000+01:00

1.) Dont drink so much (it makes your liver sore.) 2.) Dance like noone is watching... Noone "really" cares and its always guranteed that someone is dancing worse than you. 3.) Do not be so argumentative (also file under Dont drink so much as the two seem to come as a package) 4.) Dont take my phone out with me (when number 1 and number 3 are failed to be enforced) 5.) Treat Richard as I would like to be treated myself... (Nights out in the club on my own with no prior notice are not fair... and I would I react?! yeah... say no more....) 6.) Finishing Richard by text and then minutes later sending one saying "only kidding..." is not always as funny as I envision it to be. 7.) Ex's are ex's for very good reason!

8.) Green doesnt suit me as much as I thought it did...

So there we go... My little list of pointers for this weekend... Ive learnt my lesson... Its not funny and its not clever... And now its Monday... And Im tired... and its raining... But, this is my last full week before next weeks little break in Dublin so I shall just look forward to that... Gonna brush my teef... I taste of death! :) xx

2005-07-03T12:43:00.000+01:00

Julie and dave... and richard... in the background... doing... summink... lol xxxx

2005-07-03T12:41:00.000+01:00

not very clear... But ya get the jist.. me, richard and marts sister... she was nice! :) x

2005-07-03T12:40:00.000+01:00

Richard, Julie and me last ngiht... Oooh i was drunk... ooh.. I got red eye.. I never get red eye!

Doo dahh dooo dahhh!

2005-07-02T08:58:00.001+01:00

Good Moooning! I am not quite sure what I want to do tonight... Went out last night and must admit that I am feelin rather worse for wear! But, I have an overwhelming desire to go out tonight...Plus its Jonnos birthday..But... do the bad points about tonight outweigh the good points?? Hmm... We shall see!! Hope u like the photo anyway... Was the only one I took that you could see what it was! Shocking! Decided not to buy a digital cam.. Main reason for this is I spent the money for it last night! Whoops! hehehe!! xxxx xxx xx x

2005-07-02T08:58:00.000+01:00

Me and me lickle mate Stacey... :) xxxx

Friiiiiiiiiii--------daaaayyyyyyy!!!!

2005-07-01T07:07:00.000+01:00

Mornin! Well... The end to another fine week! Got to say, its gone rather slow... Could do with a few people been off so that I can do all of their work for them. Its true that I moan when they are off but I think Id prefer that than sitting there twiddling my thumbs! Good news on the old weight front... I am 11 stone 4. Of course, after this weekend, thats going to be killed although im not sure if we are out on Saturday yet... Got to wait for Mr Harris to make up his mind! Bloody gays! Could be a bit of a cafuffle about what I do if we are out... Will have to cross the bridge when we come to it me thinks! I havent had much to say these last few days to be honest.... Not alot going on really.. Just plodding on with things.. I have been looking at digital cameras though.. www.pixmania.com is pretty good. Got some pretty good offers on there! Not sure whether Im actually going to make the purchase yet cos Im not sure how much I can afford for one... We shall see!! If all of a sudden I start putting amazing quality photos on then you know I have whipped one up!! In other news... I dont really have any... so im going to piss off now... Good byeeee xxxx xxx xx x

Moby Phone Clearout... And Nob Heads!!!

2005-06-29T08:28:00.000+01:00

Cleared my phone out last night...Ended up more than halving the amount of numbers that are currently in my phone book (although, Jonno, I accidentally deleted you so if you could text me that would be wonderful!!) Anyway... Its amazing how many fuckwits you pick up when gatherin numeros aint it... I didnt even know who half of the nob eds were... I called them my insurance policies and that was the only reason I kept them... Anyway! I decided on the ones I was deleting and did it like a good boi..(most of me naffin phone book!) Then what should happen at 12am this mornin but I get a text from an unknown number asking me how I am... Ive had to ask this morning who it is and its a lad I used to know.. Like.. ages ago.. The last time he text me (which was around end of Feb so I was seeing Richard) he mentioned 3somes with his bf and me sending him naked photos on my phone... I argued the 3some thing saying each to their own but it aint my cuppa cocoa... actually lectured him an insy winsy bit... thats just me though... and then just ignored every message he sent about nakey photos but he seemed deeply hurt, shocked and bewildered that I had deleted him today so i told him why and he said I havent got a sense of humour... I fucking hate gay men... Fucking wankers... Cept me bitchy... Hes alrite.. I spose... Cept hes gonna run off with an Irish man in a couple of weeks... if we can find one who will have him that is.... Anyway.. Just had to have that moan!! See yaaa xxx xx x

AFTERBIRTH?!

2005-06-28T07:12:00.000+01:00

A quick question to ponder on... Is it at all possible to keep my eyes shut alllll the way through my sisters labour? Well!? Is it!? Ehhh!??! After the video I watched last night, Im certainly hoping so... Vile! More than anything, what made me feel a liddle ill was the afterbirth... Ill not eat steak and kidney pies again!! And people eat it sometimes!! its good for post natal depression.. Let me just say, if I had to face eating the fuckin thing, it would make me rather depressed!! Was fluffin disgusting... Everyone was sitting there with the look of sheer heaven/admiration/"come on girl, u can do it" look on their face at a new child been born into the world while I may as well have been watching the silence of the lambs for the faces I was pulling. I think I may have even managed a few heaves as they pulled the afterbirth out... Always said I was gonna be the perfect person to have at the birth didnt I... It will be amusing for onlookers if nothing else! LOL!! MWAH xxxxxxxx

Life just gets better and better....

2005-06-27T18:40:00.000+01:00

Good Afternoon/early hevening! Just a quickie ma licky to say that you are now hearing from Adrian Williams Senior Co Ordinator and supervisor of Anc's London Priority Team. Got my promotion today! Only a few people applied for it but apparantly they had already decided that I was having it which was rather coolies!! :) There was me thinking I had fooked it all up!! Its not bad going seeing as I started 9th August 2004 and ive got a promotion this quickly. The moneys hardly any better, but the prospects and the little bit of info on my CV, make all of the difference me thinks! Dont get me wrong, I will still be keeping my eye out for any amazing oppurtunities that may arise but for now, this is a step in the right direction for me and I couldnt be happier... Isnt it funny how sometimes, nothing goes right, and you can be just thinking about topping yourself to put yourself out of your misery, and then all of a sudden... all at once... Everythin good happens.. Things have never been so good... I have money spare at the end of the month, I have a job that could be worse, and I have the man of my dreams... I am very closely approaching contentment (which will be the point where I put on 4 stone, lose the man of my dreams cos he thinks im a fat fuck, lose my job because Im so depressed about losing the man of my dreams that I cant work, and then have no money spare to spend because im on the dole!) ........... NAhhhhhh!!! Going to another pregnancy class tonight.. I fink it may be something to do with breathing... *deep healing breaths... * ;) xxxxxxxx

Last mushity entry and then ill be good!

2005-06-26T22:40:00.000+01:00

Good Evening Everyone.. Rich hasnt come up tonight so I thought I would write a bit of a later entry tonight and just go over the weekend a little bit and have a general waffle... Firstly, Im a little bit worried about work tomorrow. Well, Im not actually worried as in "WORRIED" I am just a little apprehensive about whether anything is going to be said about Friday as I wont be in any mood to discuss it! Know what I mean? I be thinking that I will just keep my gobble closed!! (Now that will make a nice change wont it!?) I was speaking to a "friend" earlier about Richard finally saying the three words...and instead of been happy for me like I would them, they that said they thought everything that Richard had said was a load of bollocks... I have got to say that I was absolutely gutted as I was soooo chuffed before he opened his big gob and gave his bitter, immature and unwanted opinion on the subject. I wonder if the fact that he got ditched by his boyfriend a couple of months ago is anything to do with his attitude? Quite frankly, he can go and fuck himself...I havent go time for pricks anymore.. If Richard would have wanted to shut me up, he could have confessed undying love and not meant it 3 months ago.. Plus, when he told me.. We were not even having an argument...Annnnd, he doesnt very often say something he doesnt mean... Hark at me trying to justify my relationship!... BOLLOCKS! U hear me?! BOOOLLLLOXXXXX!! Anyway, at this rate my msn is going to have about 3 people on it! Theyre dropping like flies... and to think I thought I had carried the quality over from the shitty msn... Tuh! Anyway... This weekend has been absolutely ace... All a little bit surreal but definitely one of the best in a long time... And even if it hadnt been, I have got a bf that loves me! I really have... I think... Maybe I should ask him actually... just to make sure... In case yesterday someone slipped him a tablet or somethin... hmm... tee hee hee... Anyway.. I know I love him to bits anyway... :) xxxxxx nite nite xxxxxx

Some "loved up Adie" quotations.. .

2005-06-26T17:28:00.000+01:00

The only things in life you regret, Are the risks that you didn't take. The best feelings are those that have no words to describe them.... I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.... ;) The most powerful symptom of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable. "The worst part of life is waiting.The best part of life is having someoneworth waiting for." "Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching." One word frees us Of all the weight and pain in life, That word is Love Keep smiling everyone :) xxxxxx

2005-06-26T17:03:00.000+01:00

After the barbecue, we went to Richards other mates in Castle...Kev and Donna (whom I have mentioned before) are in the black and yellow tops... And Danni and Morrall (fook knows if thats how you spell it!) are in the blue and stripy top... Quite like diss pic :) xxx

2005-06-26T17:02:00.000+01:00

Hehehhehe!! Saturday night at Lisas Barbecue... This is Fay, Richards mate. She is an absolute pisser... She wasnt expecting the photo to be taken... And yet she still managed to pull a lovely pose! :) xxx

Love...

2005-06-26T10:19:00.000+01:00

Good Afernoon, Ive got to be quick because Im getting ready for my little night out tonight... Going ot a barbecue with a karaoke and bouncy castle and then going to Newcastle afterwards! Am really looking forward to it... Richard has said that he likes showing me off to his mates so am going to try and make an effort to look pretty!! :) Oooh, and another teeny thing!!....Richard said that he loves me! He sent a text earlier saying that he was falling in love with me, like he did a few months ago... we had had a lickle bit of a to do (not an argument I might add!) and he was here with me and said that he think he was wrong with the text that he sent earlier (at which point my heart sank because I thought he meant he didnt mean he was falling for me and thus, we were over..) and I kinda just went.. "yea?" and he said he was in fact in love with me... LOVE.... LOVE....LOVE....LOVE!!!!!!! Anyway, as you can imagine, im still on a mighty high... I had to check a few times that he meant it... And I will have to check again a few times me thinks... But hes never said anything he didnt mean before and thats why at times we have clashed... I will let you know if it all goes tits up though... But... the reason he says he realised it was because of the thought of losing me...Which is the exact reason I knew I was in love with him. I dont think Ive ever felt like this in my whole goddamn existance... Nice feeling..> Scary but nice... "Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to" U see... A quote to suit all occasions Anyway, Im offities!! From a very much in love, Adie XxxXxx

Not so good day..

2005-06-25T07:28:00.000+01:00

Hellope... Got to go to work in a min. I totally lost my rag yesterday because of a way a situation was dealt with so it turns out the bag that I had the promotion at work in, has possibly got a rather big hole in it. Honestly? I am not bothered in the slightest. I think they need me more than I need them to be honest.. Anyway, Im not feeling too good today. Went to sleep at 2 ish last night and have been awake since 6am. Im not going to go too much into why Im feelin a bit pooeyfied for now but just wanted to write a lickle blog for u as I may not get chance for the rest of the weekend. Im weighing 11 stone 7 this morning... May as well have had a fookin curry last night for all the good behaving myself has done... bloody bastards.. Catch u laterz anyway xx

Early finish (WOOO HOOO!!)

2005-06-24T06:07:00.000+01:00

Good Morrnin... Going into work today for 7am but looks like ill be finishing at 2pm hopefully... The gonna get me wig ed snipped and go to the gym to pump some invisible iron! :) Think going to Kev and Donnas tonight for the weekly BB eviction.. I need to get some sleep before hand though, otherwise, im going to be nodding again and could do without that tonite!!! Not got anything else to say, and Im reeeallly tired, so gonna fook off xxx

whoopsy!!

2005-06-23T07:15:00.000+01:00

Good moooooooooonin!! As I write this I am still a liddle Pished so you will have to scuse me!! I went out last night with Stacey at work...we started out with a nice civalised drink out that shortly turned into a piss up! That can only spell disaster!! I found out a lickle secret about work too but Im going to keep it quiet until somethin happens so I can actually tell you!!! I know your alllll dying to know but its between me and the bedpost for the time being!!! Bloody hell, its been a while since I have had a hang over.,... U kno what I need?? A pissing bath!! Thinking back, it was actually quite funny. There was this bloke who was being "extremely chatty" with me and the pub but Ive seen him before on a gambler so I didnt think he was gay... He was going on and on and on about me drinking stella and being a wife beater then about my dessert... Every time he walked past we got some form of comment... Just cos I had my dessert pissing cold and not hot... Anyway...Stacey said (quite loud) "I dont know if hes after you or me, but I wonder if he realises that he hasnt got a cat in hells chance with either of us!?" He didnt speak to us after that episode! Felt a bit sorry for the poor lad! LOL! Time to nurse my hangover I think... But yay, its thursday!! :) xxxxxxxxxx

Homeless.... Well... Kind of!

2005-06-22T07:42:00.000+01:00

Good Morning... If anyone sees me wondering the streets tonight with a tear in my eye, will they please pick me up and take me to the nearest hostel... Im been turfed out tonight because my mums new boyfriend is coming around and I think she is wanting to get her groove on. Well let me tell you, If he sees the state of her room, she will have more chance in pooing pound coins than pulling anybody!! Richard came around last night... We had a lovely night watching thee olde television and having a good old chin wag! Was super! (Raar!!) Is it me or are there no jobs about lately?? It seems that I keep on lookin and keep on having no luck whatsoever,,, But I have said before, that I am being extremely fussy about what I go for, and maybe I need get off my high horse and just have a look for something better than Im doing at the moment.. Id be happy with a company that actually thinks enough of its employees to give them a pension!! Anyway... Life is good.. Love is better, and work is shit... but slowly but surely Im getting to where I want to be me thinks! :) See ya in a big bit! Adrianus Joanus the second (one removed by some fuckpig!) xxx xx x

Bigger fish to fry....

2005-06-21T07:32:00.000+01:00

Ellopies! Well, I went to the hospital last night to have a lookski at where my big lil sister is going to be dropping... Gotta say, its all starting to feel rather real... I got used to the fact that I was gonna be an uncle but had never really thought about how we are gonna get the little bastard from where it is at the moo moo!! Just give me a pizza cutter, some cellotape and some skewers and ill have it out of there in 3 minutes flat!!! Anyway, was quite fun... I look forward to the next session next Monday! :) How nice has the weather been recently?? It certainly makes a nice change, been nice when we can actually enjoy it doesnt it!? I am hoping it is nice this weekend too as am going to a barbecue on Sat with Richards mates, closely followed by Newcastle me thinks! Think its time I made a purchase of a new top actually... Havent bought one for nearly two months... But having said that, its not like im out every week so that everyone will notice is it?! The birthday meals are almost planned! We are going to have 3 in all!! (not that Im trying to make a celebration of it or anything!) One with my dad and Julie which I think is going to be on the Friday before my birthday (think its just me and bev going to that one as richard has since found out about a leavin doo and quinton cant do two meals in two days!) one with mum which is definitely on the saturday, and one with Richard (but think thats going to be in Ireland on the 14th!) Either way, It should be fun!! cant really do much on my actual birthday... Will probably just be packing and shoving lots of random clothes into my suitcase! Actually, I have got to find a suitcase as thats another thing I got diddled out of when Adrian fooked off! Maybe I should ask for it back?? Hmm... No! Right then, Ive got yonks before I need to get ready but I spose now is as good a time as any eh?! Catch ya later'z XxXxXxXxXxXx

3 years too late...

2005-06-20T07:12:00.000+01:00

Good Morning Everyone! I have done something which I am extremely proud of. I have finally had my "closure" with Matthew. Anyone who really knows me knows who he is. Basically someone who I met when I was 17 and who I did genuinly fall for (altho, I think I thought that I had fell for him a little bit more than I had actually done and if I would have met someone like Richard a couple of years back, I may have realised it sooner!) Anyway I went around telling people that he was the love of my life for ages and I genuingly thought that he was... Two times I let him go out with me, and then shit on me from a great height and recently we had been in contact altho he seemed to go into overdrive because I took ages to reply and wasnt really bothered to be honest... The head seemed to come when me and Richard apparantly saw him on Friday and I received an email saying he hoped Richard had not recognised him etc etc. I explained to Richard, if I did ever see him, I would point him out... It would never be the case of hush hushing it... Things are different now and I am different to when I was 17 but I dont think he realised that. So last night, I cut ties with probably the biggest burden I have ever had resting on my shoulders.... And this morning... I feel absolutely fantastic... I know that now I have had my say and been completely honest (possibly for the first time with him), I will never hear from him again.. and though it would have been nice to keep in touch on purely friendly terms, I dont think he ever could... and that suits me fine.. :) Anyway... I think ill enclose the exact email I sent him... Just because the people who do really know me, I think will be quite proud of me...so here it is.. Good Evenink, Thought that I would email you as I was not sure if I would get to chat to you with what you said earlier about not been online and available for a while... The thing is, a year ago, and even 9 months ago, I would have told everyone that you were the love of my life and that at any point, you could tell me to drop everything, and I would have done. But since I have met Richard, all of that has changed. I think the spell may finally have been broken... Sometimes I just wish something like him could have happened to me a couple of years ago to help me out of my rutt sooner. Things are not perfect with me and him and I can say that sometimes I do things to spite him when things are not goin as I want them to. I can honestly say that i think more of him than Ive ever thought of anyone which is why I hurt so much when we argue with each other and try to do things to spite him. He is a real person and our relationship is a real one.. as real as it gets! ...do u get what I mean? I dont ever want to get to the point where I contact people like you and like adrian just to get on Richards tits. Maybe in ten years time I will feel the same about whoever Im with as you do about Steve but the fact of it is, that you have now been with him for ten years and are showing no signs of ever finshing with him. Something is going right for you! I look at you in your relationship and think its absolutely everything that I do NOT want in mine... I want someone who falls in love with me and wants to be with me and knows that they only want me. No questions asked...In that kind of respect I suppose you have been my role model. Am I making any sense? I hope so! Im sure you understand anyway... You did say you expected this to come eventually and here it is... I spose the bird has finally learned to spread its wings! You always said that alls you ever wanted was to see me happy. With Richie I am.... Its been nearly 6 months and I truly hope that we will easily make another 6 months and then 6 years etc etc etc...and even if Im not with him... then... Is it truly a good thing for me to be in contact with you? I think we both know the answer dont we... Anyway... You take care mr man and I do hope that one day you will be truly happy with everything in your life... as I hope that I will be too...I feel each day lately that Im getting a little step closer... I dont want a reply.. Just accept what Ive said (as I know you will) and understand...(which I also know u will..) Take care Adie *********************************************************************************** Gotta say im pretty happy at the moment and with the way in which Ive dealt with the situation... :) Anyway, enough of that.. I had a lovely day yesterday.. Even manage to catch a few rays of sunshine! Went to Trentham Gardens with Richard and then went to his mates barbecue just in time to have a couple of burgers before it absolutely slatted it down!! Was really nice though... :) Today I am going to a hospital visit with beverley Anne... Am lookin forward to it actually... Should be funny as Im quite sure Ill hear the posh voice that my sister inherited from mummy kazduck! "hoooh... yuas pleeeze... a cap hoff teeea would be maginififififcent!... Hmmm... a biskwit haz wielll?! you reeeaallly spoiling us! Ra ra ra!" Anyway... Do we know that it seems that they have settled on Cole (lump of) for a boy baby and Drew (droopy draws) for a girl... You KNOW that Im gonna be giving the baby my own little nicknames now dont ya!? hehehe! Right, have I anything else to say... Ooh.. briefly, my dieting seems to have fooked up a little so starting again today! Will write soon anyway.. :) xxxxxx

:)

2005-06-18T11:17:00.000+01:00

Good Moooning,,, I went to Kev and Donnas last night as they were having a barbecue and for the first time in ages I didnt take my phones and it did me the world of good. Admittedly, I was a little bit shaky for the first hour or so but after that, I just started joining in and actually having a couple of conversations with everyone... And I enjoyed it more than Ive enjoyed any other time Ive met them which says something... So from now on, im going to try and ease off my phone. I think its just a case of me using it as a comfort blanket to be honest when im nervous or bored... But no more!! Promise... :) We are going to Cadbury World for 2pm this afternoon... Am really excited... All that bloody wuddy chocolate... Cant wait!! Then afterwards we are going to go to a pub kind of place for a bite to eat! A proper day out.. Sounds quite nice!! Anyway... Not much else to say and Ive got to grab a lickle bit of din dins so Im going to shoot off 4 now... See ya x

"Tango!? No thank you!"

2005-06-16T06:34:00.000+01:00

mornin good! I decided that I was going to re apply a lil bit of fake tan last night... The only trouble was that I began to apply it (ever so carefully!) And then realised that I had lost my bloody wallet which prompted me to fly around the flat like something demented and by the time I was finished, I was sweating my tits off and had visions of having "drip marks" all down myself....I concluded that the best thing for me to do (to save myself some serious embarrassment) would be to pole vault myself straight into the bath and get all the shit off me as soon as humanely possible! Funny stuff fake tan is aint it... Still think I should maybe just apply if Im going out on dee tiles! Mainly because, even if I go orange then, Ill be too wankered to give a flying fuck! Me and Richard were contemplating going out this Saturday (altho, I really wasnt that keen anyway!) but unfortunately, the final nail in the coffin was that Scott from London is coming up (if you dont know who he is, read back to Jan...bloody ell... its ages ago now..) and its 90% sure he will be out in stoke.... So we are gonna leave it... for obvious reasons... Like I say, I didnt wanna go anyway... Its somewhere you can go anytime int it? :) I was also a butch boi last night and painted over the holes I made while trying to put my mirror up. I filled them on saturday but had to sand them all down... RAAR!! And while we are talking about me being butch, I also managed to scrape about a pint worth of wax off my mirror and desk... U know when you try to blow a candle out and it just wont go... I actually thought at one point, Richard had bought me a "trick" candle (he went to Trantham Hardens (raa) and bought me a big candle for my bedroom back!) so thought "muahaha, Ill show him.. " and with one almight "puff" (How quaint!) blew the bastard out. Unfortunately, I not only "blew the bastard" out, but blew all the "bastard wax" out n all... allllll up my mirror and alllll over my desk... The shock! The horror! The fucking sheer stupidity!!!! I have had so many ideas for this Saturday its unreal... I will list them all for you a little bit later but there are some right good ones! All will be followed by either a meal or a takeaway on Saturday night because thats the law of Adies land and Ive not been naughty on this fookin diet all week yet! MWAH xxxxx

Back On Track...

2005-06-15T06:59:00.000+01:00

I have awoken in a most fabulous mood this morning... The last week or so I have felt that things were not going my way in love, life or money... However, its all coming together (although, I forgot about fathers day this weekend!!) and things are looking quite well now.. ANDDD... Its less than a month until I go to Dublin which is going to be rather great I think!! ANDD, I weigh 11 stone 5 again! Wonder if something will happen to wipe this grin off my face? Lets be honest, it usually does... I give me until 12pm until some big fat cloud comes and pisses all over me! Spose the new title says it all... Sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes the statue... Ive taken to listening to the Backstreet Boys alot lately... Was listening to them in Richards car on Saturday and I must admit I am enjoying listening to their songs... they did so many good ens!!! I think Im even going ease off the fake tan now n all because I looked a bit like I had a skin condition last night.. there were patches everywhere... Ive managed to scrape it (and 14 layers of skin) off my face but the rest of my body is still lookin rather poor... I think its probably best just saving it for times when Im out altho Richard is lookin brown (and yes, browner than me!) so Im going to try what hes got... No way am I going on a sun bed again now though!! I like lookin young (ish)! Finally , before I go... Me and Richard are having a day out this weekend...Any ideas?? Answers on a postcard please thank you maybe!? Anyway, Im still as mad as a hatter, still madly saving and still madly in lurve! Tonite, what am I doing? Think im going to paint over some filler ive put on my walls and pick some wax off my mirror... Raaa!!! ;) xxxxxxx

"And dont look back in anger... I hear you say.."

2005-06-14T06:57:00.000+01:00

Hiya... Well I havent got much more interesting to say than I did last night to be honest. Richard came around last night and we watched (all at once might I add) Celeb Love Island, Big Brother and The Michael Jackson trial (officially innocent!! I did have my doubts but they must have had sufficient evidence to make such a unanimous decision!) Thats about all I did anyway... Will be seeing Richard again tonight me thinks... and Im going to go the gym... (TUH!) Nothing else to say... God how boring... Think next time I wont bother to update unless I have something worth saying... :) xxxx

Cambermere Arms... Perfecto! :)

2005-06-12T10:36:00.000+01:00

Hiii! Well, the meal that we went for last night was absolutely gorgeous!! I really really enjoyed it! I had ham soup with crusty roll for starters (I had to point out that although the soup was lovely, it did smell of wet dog... and richard said that if we would have hurled the bread at someone, we could have quite possibly knocked them out... not because it was dry, but just because of how heavy the thing was!!) and then fish and chips for my main (The chips were real!) although next time I think im going to not have a starter and then have sausage and cheesy mash with a side portion of the gorgeous chips! Richard had the soup followed by a steak burger sandwich thing... It looked rather nice n all... For dessert I had a big warm chocolate brownie in white chocolate sauce and vanilla icecream... Have got to say its one of the nicest desserts I have ever had... and tres tres tres sickly!! Yummy!! Anyway, it was an extremely nice meal and it is definitely where I will be going for my 21st with me and Richard...even if it means that Ive probably put on 7 stone! Ive still got to figure out where ill be going with my mum and then with my dad for my bday... Admittedly .. I dont really mind where we eat...Maybe an indian restaurant or a chinese.. but I have got to be careful with my money cos of saving for my wollyday and for dublin... so... 241 it will be! LOL!! Loads of people say that I should be getting slaughtered for my 21st but to be honest, Im not at all bothered about getting plastered... Not even a little bit actually... I just want to spend some time with the people that matter the most to me and then have a nice break away.... Quite looking forward to it all at the moment! :) So, ive been cleaning my room up this morning and sorting the telly/cd player/dvd/sky out in the living room. Ive also been tidying out my wardrobes in my bedroom.. Aint it amazing at the kind of things that you find...today ive found yet another pair of jeans... and yet again.. they are not mine... Im sure Ive got a "phantom jeany leaver" that keeps leaving me presents cos they feel sorry for me..Anyway... They are actually quite nice, even if a little bit large on me... Im almost sure ive never bought them though! Hmmm.... I have also viewed my orange bill online... Its around about £25.00 and i have only used 1396 of my 3000 text allowance... So if anyone starts getting even more random texts than I would usually send then thats the reason why!! I have applied some fake tanning stuff this morning.. I have 3 different ones.. the one ive applied says that its just a very light tan... Richard has actually seen some johnsons stuff that gives you a very light colour...but it looks really subtle and nice so I may buy some of that... Im not REALLY missing the sun beds to be honest.. I think ive said before, I quite like myself pale... Im just concerned over what other people will think... thats the trouble with me in all areas i think... Well... fuck ya... Fuck ya all!!!!! Not doing anythin today or tonight...Bit of a boring one planned.. dont think ill even get a takeaway.. Want one though! :( Will keep tidying up my bedroom so its a bit shiny but mum has just staggered in from that barbecue thing last night and has gone straight to bed so I cant hoover anywhere... May actually go the gym a little bit later... Will have to see... Anyway.. Another boring entry... Hey ho!! Muuuwaaaahhhh!! :) xxxxxx

And so he ate... and he ate... and oh my god, how he ate...

2005-06-11T12:17:00.000+01:00

ITS ONLY 12.18PM AND I WOULD JUST LIKE TO TELL THE WORLD THAT SO FAR I HAVE CONSUMED A TOASTED POACHED EGG SANDWICH, A BURGER AND HALF AN ORANGE DAIRY MILK! (HAS ANYONE HAD THEM BY THE WAY?! THEY ARE BLOODY BOOTIFUK!) ANYWAY... IM SITTING HERE NOW FEELING EXTREMELY FAT, EXTREMELY FRUMPY AND KNOWING THAT I HAVE DEFINITELY GOT TO GO TO THE GYM AND WORK MY TROTTERS OFF IF I STAND A SLIM CHANCE OF NOT PUTTING ON 3 STONE BY MONDAY.... ANYWAY... IM NOT FAT... JUST BIG BONED! (NO RUDE COMMENTS IF YOU PLEASE!!) I HAD ANOTHER DODGY CHINESE LAST NIGHT... I COULD TASTE THE DODGYNESS IN IT THIS TIME THOUGH SO I JUST DECIDED TO LEAVE THE WHOLE THING AND THE PROCEED TO THROW A GAY QUEENY STROP AS I DONT LIKE BEEN DONE OUT OF FOOD, ESPECIALLY AT THE WEEKEND!! I START ANTI NATAL CLASSES ON MONDAY (NO, IM NOT FUCKING PREGNANT CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF...) ITS FOR MY SISTER AS HER OTHER HALF DOESNT WANT TO GO SO ILL BE THERE WITH A RIBBON IN MY HAIR!! THINK THE FIRST WEEK IS ON FEEDING THE BABY... I WONT BE GETTING MY TITS OUT THOUGH.. HELL NO!!! OH GO ON THEN... JUST THE ONCE... DID I EVER TELL YOU THE STORY ABOUT A KITTEN THAT I HAD THAT USED TO SUCK MY NIPPLES? WAS REALLY AMUSING IF NOT A LITTLE BIT DISTURBING!! I WAS MEANT TO BE GOING TO A BARBECUE AT MY AUNTIES TONIGHT BUT AM GOING TO BE GOING FOR A MEAL SOMEWHERE IN WHITCHURCH INSTEAD. THIS IS MAINLY DUE TO THE FACT THAT I WOULD NOT ARRIVE AT MY AUNTIES TILL AROUND 7.30-8PM AND I JUST KNOW THAT EVERYONE WILL BE HALF CUT BY THEN!! ANYWAY, IM QUITE EXCITED ABOUT THE MEAL ANYWAY TO BE HONEST.. AND I MADE SURE THAT I BOOKED A TABLE AND ASKED IF THE FOOD WAS HOME MADE THIS TIME... SO HOPEFULLY, ILL BE BRINGING YOU GOOD NEWS REGARDING IT TOMORROW...(EITHER THAT OR ILL HAVE A COURTCASE ON MY HANDS... ***PRESS RELEASE... DINER BEATS VILLAGE "CHEF" TO DEATH WITH A BREADSTICK...***) I CAN SEE ALREADY THAT IM GOING TO END UP EATING LIKE A BITCH THOUGH... ALTHOU TOMORROW IM NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT HAVING A TAKEAWAY UNLESS I GO TO THE GYM... OOOH.. THATS ONE WAY OF PISSING MYSELF OFF AINT IT.. PLEASURE PAIN KIND OF JOBBY!! AND IM GONNA STICK TO THAT N ALL!! WOT A BASTARD I AM... SOMETIMES I COULD KICK THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF! THE CARPET IS DOWN AND IT LOOKS BLOODY LOVELY... ITS A FINE SHAME THAT I CANT QUITE AFFORD TO HAVE THE REST OF THE HOUSE DONE IN IT, BUT AS SOON AES I CAN, I WILL DO AS IT LOOKS ABSOLUTELY BLOODY YUMMY!! I HAVE ALWAYS HAD QUITE A NICE LIVING ROOM BUT NOW ITS HAD *ALMOST* THE FINISHING TOUCHES... I AM NOW JUST AWAITING A COUPLE OF PAINTINGS FOR MY WALL.. IN FACT, IF I REMEMBER RIGHTLY, I HAVE NOW BEEN WAITING FOR GETTING ON FOR HALF A YEAR FOR THE FOOKIN THINGS OFF BEVERLEY ANNE... I DONT KNOW... U CANT GET THE BLOODY WORKERS CAN U?!! ANYWAY.. ..LAST NIGHT AFTER 1AM, ME AND RICHARD WERE PLAYING "TOSS THE CARPET OFF THE BALCONY AS QUICK AS YOU CAN SO NOONE CAN SEE.." THINK WE MAY HAVE SUCCEEDED TOO... THIS MORNING I WALKED DOWNSTAIRS AND LOOKED AT THE CARPET BY THE BIN AND TUTTED.. "NO BLOODY RESPECT SOME PEOPLE..." CHEEKY BASTARD I KNOW, BUT IN MY DEFENCE, SOMEONE HAS PUT A FRIDGE RIGHT NEXT TO MY CARPET WHICH IS POSSIBLY WHY IM NOT FEELING AS BAD AS I MAYBE SHOULD DO... OR HAVE I JUST NOT GOT A CONSCIENCE?! HMM... I THINK IM GOING TO MANAGE TO PUT AN EXTRA £50.00 TOWARDS MY HOLIDAY SAVINGS THIS MONTH. NOW, THAT IS NOT A MASSIVE ACHIEVEMENT TO SOME PEOPLE, BUT THE THING IS, THE OTHER WEEKEND I WENT ON A FRI-SAT-SUN-MON- BENDER AND SPENT SOMEWHERE IN THE REGION OF £200.00 MINIMUM. IVE CUT BACK AND DONE QUITE WELL TO MAKE UP FOR THAT ALTHO I HAVE HAD TO FORFEIT MY CLOTHING BUDGET SO AM DRESSING A LITTLE BIT LIKE A PEASANT AT THE MOMENT... I THINK IM DUE A SPREE SOMETIME SOON.. I HAVENT REALLY TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT THAT WHEN I GO ON THIS HOLIDAY IN OCTOBER, I NEED MONEY TO SPEND ON CLOTHES BEFORE I GO... ALTHOUGH, I HAVE QUITE A FEW PAIRS OF SHORTS AND T SHIRTS ANYWAY THAT I WEAR FOR THE GYM... AND THERES ALWAYS YEE OLD FAITHFUL NIKE SANDELS (BLOODY LOVE THEM!) (THAT WAS A VERY RANDOM WAFFLE WASNT IT... MARVELLOUS!) RIGHT.. ARE THERE ANY OTHER PRESSING ISSUES AT THE MOMENT?! NONE THAT I CAN THINK OF THAT I WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE GODDAMN WORLD ABOUT I DONT THINK.... QUITE A BIG UPDATE... AND FOR A CHANGE I ACTUALLY HAD SOMETHING TO SAY.... WOO HOO!! WILL WRITE TOMORROW.. TAKE CARE ALL AND HAVE A LOVELY NIGHT XXXXXXX

New Carpet Day! =o)

2005-06-10T08:22:00.000+01:00

Well Folks, Today is the day that I am having me new carpet through my living room.. I may actually be able to start taking residence in there after its fitted.. The other one was vile... And a note to you all... No fookin shoes! K!? Good! Didnt get everything moved out of the living room last night, so this mornin, I awoke at 7.00am and at around 7.15am was lugging the rest of the furniture and trying to get the carpet out... Wat a fucking Maul that was, Let me tell ya! I did consider just staggering out on to the balcony with it and hurling it right off... I had to think better of it though unfortunately as the people are still ere fitting kitchens and were having some sort of meeting right where I would have hurled it... Would have been quite amusing though.. I wonder now if I would have got more points if I would have hit the one with the hat on!! LOL 2 weeks have gone without a sun bed and Ive got to say that Im not lookin as bad as I thought I would have done... Usually I would have achne galore by now... But then again... There is probably much worse to come so we shall just have to see how things go! :) Diets going well.. Im 11 stone 5... And it looks like the only day I may cheat on my diet this weekend is Saturday night when I go to my aunty Sues for a barby! hoorah! I was considering goin out tonight but I dont want to and I havent really got the money (ok, so I have got the money but Im gettin a kick out of saving every penny I can... OK?! LOL!) Anyway... Im offties... See ya laterzz xxx xx x

7am start... :(

2005-06-09T05:58:00.000+01:00

Good Mornin... Well I am still absolutely stuffed from last night... The diet went out of the window good and proper.. Tis all very shocking really!! I still feel rather sick and rather full... At least I got to see ma Fifi though altho I was home for about 8.30pm because of working so early today... But Im finishing at 3 so im not gonna moann... How nice was the weather yesterday btw!? It was proper hot all day!! When I went to the pub, u could see all the dossers with nice red burnt skin... Thats wat I wanted... but cos I was at work all day I couldnt get in the sun... I did demand at one point that they rip the roof off the place but the suggestion went down like a lead balloon unfortunately!! LOL! Think Im meant to be goin to the cinema tonight.. Not sure what Im meant to be watching.. Im sure I read a text off Richard a bit ago saying something about a Mr and Mrs Smith... If thats the one with Bradd Pitt and nagelina big lips in then dont think I wanna see it... I dont condone any film that splits marriages up... Oooh hark at me getting on my high horse... Im the same with Delta Goodrem... Home wrecking little whore she is... Dont u worry Kerry Catonia, Adie still lurves ya baby!! Plus... Not sure I even like the look of Mr and Mrs Smith... :-S Ill probably just shut me face and watch it... Will give us something to do at least and maybe it will surprise me eh?? Right then... Am going to love u and leave u... *note to self* buy some short sleeved shirts! "MWAH" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sun has got his hat on (hip hip hip hoooray!)

2005-06-08T07:07:00.000+01:00

Good Mooonin... I really have not got anything interesting to say today... Richard came around last night.. We watched the Michael Jackson program.. (I still cant decide if hes a naughty man or whether he genuinly thinks hes peter pan...) Either way... its a strange en!! Anyway.. I dont think I got much more to say... Im going for a meal tonight with a friend so that will be cool... Im actually lookin forward to it! I have worked out my holiday funds and have found that by October I should have been able to save about £1200.00 minimum in total... The holiday should cost no more than £600.00 hopefully (if bitchie can get a bargain!) so the rest is spending money... And if for any reason I do not end up going on holiday... then Im just going to keep saving... Its good for my peace of mind! :) Anyway... IM gonna buzz off... bath time :) xxx xx x

Big Brother...

2005-06-07T07:12:00.000+01:00

Ive never really been into Big Brother when its been on... Ive watched the odd one but not ever "into it" like I am this year. There are so many people to hate in there. One of the only ones that I can honestly say I like is Sascha. I fink she beautiful... But... Kinda loving the way roberto says..."Nooo I am foookin not... now goooo ooooon, fook off u foookin cow..." I will however have one big bone to pick (oi..not that kind of bone!) if that Karmal or whatever the jippos name is, wins... I shall personally pick up the phone and use at least 10 calls to get the bastard out of the house. It makes me angry to watch the loopy shit-for-brains. And exqueeeeze me, but was it him that had not told anyone he was gay before he went into the house?!!? Have you seen his:- A.) Eyebrows B.) Dress C.) Makeup D.) Total fuckin GAYNESS!?!?!?!?!? If his parents couldnt tell by that then God help them... Its all shocking... Anyway... Hes gotta go... the sooner the better... Celebrity Love island I have also taken a bit of a liking to as well... Thought it was very amusing where that new skinny american Bint went into the love shack with Lee Sharpe.... Arent the British public evil... muahahaha! I love it!! Right... Love u long time... Mwah xxxx xxxx xxx xx x

Tuh!!!

2005-06-06T07:07:00.000+01:00

Mondays always roll around far too fast for my liking... I mean... Where the fucking hell has the weekend gone... I dont know which option is better... Getting absolutely paraletically pissed all weekend and it all forming a blur, or having a nice quiet weekend doing not a lot of anything... Either way, I think it goes to quick and I think I may be back to writing to someone else demanding 5 day weekends! I also have a 6 day working week this week... Poop! Last night.. Listen to what I ate... A nice healthy salad box thing from asda (good start!) then a chicken pasanda (with cheese in!? EWW!) with vegetable pilau rice, bombay potatos, this stuffed bread thing (no im not thick, it was not naan bread) and then this big kind of french fancy thing with creme... Ok... now thats quite alot... So why, shortly afterwards (precisely 20 minutes..) did I feel the need to consume two and a half bags of wotsits, half a muller lite yoghurt and one and a half special K Bars...!?!?!? AND, More to the point, WHY OH WHY, have I weighed myself this morning and found that Ive put no weight on since this time last week!?!? Im 11 stone 7... Which, u know, fair enough, is not the lightest ive ever been... But its not far off.... Anyway, enough of my moaning, I suppose I should be grateful!! Anywayyyyy... I had better shoot off to get ready for work... today is going to be so quiet, and I just know that loads of people will have rang in sick... it disgusts me!! heheheheh! Also looks like I have a bit more money than I thought I would this month if vodafone actually credit my account with the 60 pound that they owe me... (do we actually think they will though!? HELL NO!) Will be seeing richard tonight... Dont know what we are going to get up to yet though... So far I know it doesnt involve food or cinema (for some reason I dont "do" cinemas on a Monday!) so we shall see... I dont mind what we do to be honest... Its usually a good night! Chose a carpet for the living room yesterday and a rug to match... Someone is coming to fit them soon...Im just hopin that it looks pretty as Ive wanted a new carpet for so long its unreal... And EVERY fucker that enters the house who wants to step anywhere but the hall and kitchen will be taking their shoes off!! Tis the new law!! Ive even pulled me slippers out!! LOL!! xxxxxx

The worst meal ever... (ever ever... ever!)

2005-06-05T09:10:00.000+01:00

Has anyone ever set their heart on havin a romantic meal out somewhere where they "know" is lovely, somewhere they have "been before" and somewhere that is "reliable".... Yeah... load of bollocks int it... never trust anywhere!!! Back in February time I went to The Woodlands in congleton with Richard and it was one of the most romantic nights that we have had out together. We sat and talked and had an absolutely gorgeous meal. Thought we would have a repeat last night after I couldnt get us into "the bosted onion" Where I used to live (that was gorge!) So I rang and booked a table for 8pm. We arrived and were shown to a table squashed in a corner with about 10 people right by us getting merrily paraletic. Richard asked if we could be moved and they said no... How I wish we had just left straight away... But instead, the barman came across and said we could go into the smoking section of the place as it was empty (yea, empty for as long as it took to order our food..!) and then we were blessed with a room full of smoke... Anyway, the menu had been totally different and I can only assume now that they are under new management... They could do with Gordan Ramsey, Delia Smith and Jamie Lubber Lips Oliver in there helping them out I reckons... we had "filled potato skins for starters" which was a pathetic size, even for a starter and looked pre packed with cheese grated on top..... Certainly not worth the money anyway! For the main, I chose bangers and mash (surely you cant "not win" with that... How wrong I was!) The mash was smashy type stuff (something I cant stand) with what can only be described as a "lob" of gravy over it... I always thought gravy came in liquid form but I was made aware last night that it can actually come in a solid as well! It didnt cover the sausages, let alone the mash and yorkshire puddings that came with it... after all this, to add insult to injury, they couldnt even manage to cook the sausages right and Im sure if Richard would have wanted to, he could have quite easily knocked someone out with his (ooo err!) ... either that or smashed a window with the fucking thing for a quick escape... I didnt risk a dessert in the shithole, we left very quickly after eating... But I was so gutted so we decided to go Mcdonalds to get a Mcflurry (surely u cant go wrong with a effing mcfluury?!) I chose a rolo one with the orange sauce stuff... Except they forgot to actually put some sauce in mine... there was literally sauce on the spoon and the rest of the thing was just ice cream...Im sure the bastards that work there are telepathic and knew that i was on the edge! I nearly threw the bastard thing out of the window... Was sooooo angry...The perfect end to one of the worst meals I had ever had. Dont get me wrong, I actually am not that fussy with food... Everyone who knows me well, knows that one of my favourite haunts is the 2-4-1 gatehouse place on the way to clayton. I always enjoy it there, and I dont think Ive ever had a "bad meal" there. The fact of it is, we could have gone there and saved money and had a much nicer night than we had in the woodlands... The only good thing that I picked up from the experience is that me and Richard were going to go to "the woodlands" for my 21st birthday.... Not now... Hell no!! Anyway.. Enough of moaning... Overall, once I had chilled and we came back here, I was ok... We watched Big brother (im getting quite into it, although I dont see what the big thing is about that Anthony... ) Ive always been the same with people on telly though... Its very rare I fancy anyone...Im a funny bugger like that... I think people who are famous are all the typical stereotypical "I think im wonderful and everyone loves me" kind of people and I find it hard to shake that off when I look at em... (how deep and meaningful am I?) .... Think to date the only person I can ever say Ive "fancied" would be Paul nicholls and even then I never watched anything specifically to see him in it... I have plans for today!! Well... Kind of anyway... Im going to go shopping for some trainers for my mum... and I want to look at some carpets!!! Anyway Richie, I told you I would get that shit meal off my chest.. Sorted!... See ya laterzzsz xxxx

Another quote...

2005-06-05T08:52:00.000+01:00

"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."

2005-06-03T20:11:00.000+01:00

Ok... Extremely sad I know.. but this is the new kitchen thats been fitted... I know its nothing amazingly posh, but if u would have seen it before, then you would know where I was coming from with this... :) xxxx

Friday! Yay!

2005-06-03T07:27:00.000+01:00

Got to rush this entry as I seem to have been arsing around for about 20 minutes now.... Didnt get up to much last night... Went to da gym,then came home and had chips, veg and faggots (dont u think when a gay men eats faggots, theres always something a little bit naughty and insulting about it?!) Anyway... Got a text from Richard asking if I wanted to go watch star wars with him and his mates, and although I would love to watch that cheeky little film with all them pretty lights in it, I havent seen the other 5 movies which accompany it and I also felt like I was going to nod off at around 7pm so refrained.... Some things arent even worth it for bitchy!! I then came upstairs and spoke to a few peeps on my phone (which I never do but ill be damned if vodafone are going to add yet another bash on the head to my already wounded soul by me not using my minutes...!!) and contemplated ringing Richard every 2 mins and asking "whats happenin now!" But I thought that would just be a little bit annoying!! Also found out that Richard is indeed not a bisexual that worked at singlepoint like a mate of a mate suggested... Anyway... I then had a bath to wash me cockles n muscles (a live a live hooooo!) Before going back in me bedroom, singing to myself for approx 3 and a half minutes before my mum shouted to "shut the fuck up cunto!" and then went to sleepy byes, where i awoke every half an hour to look if I was late for work... I should really just invest in a fookin alarm clock. Would save so much time and energy im sure! Tonight Im not sure whats happening.. Think Im doing summink with Richard but if not im sure Ill dig into my phone book and come out with something to do! (not involving the club tho! Hell no!) See ya later xxx xx x p.s Im late!!!

My Grand ma ma's cooking....

2005-06-02T07:05:00.000+01:00

I went out for some dinner last night with Richard and his mates... While sitting there, I was browsing through the menu, only to find toffiifffiiffeeee and date pudding... This cast my mind back to a rice crispy, choclate and date cake kinda thing that my Nan makes... Its yummy.... I then had a brief panic when I thought... "fuck! is she still actually alive!?" As I havent seen her in that long... I had to text my dad to find out who hadnt got a clue because he was in Greece... (Nice of him to tell me wasnt it, although on this occasion, I may forgive him because hes buying me another bottle of schnaps ((tho I still havent drank the one from christmas yet!)) Im sure shes ok though anyway, She comes from one of them families where you live to be 174 and still bake cakes for the local jumble sale! Think Ive finally put on the weight I lost when I was poorly a couple of weeks ago... Realistically I knew I wouldnt beable to keep it off no matter how much I fought to. I just need to stop eating poo (not literally, u understand...) But, for now.. Im just gonna smile, and ride (ok, maybe not ride, maybe just bodysurf it, as we have to be causcious!) the wave of happiness that is happenin at the moment with Richard (yesterday he went to trantham hardens and bought me a candle that goes lurverly in my bedroom!! :) and with... well... most things... cept me fookin job..... Makes a friggin change for me to do something that simple instead of conecntrating on anything bad thats going on... Right then... Off I go! xxxxxx

That Wednesday Feeling... =oS

2005-06-01T07:11:00.000+01:00

Im sure that somewhere along the line, I seem to have lost a day somewhere... But that makes it wednesday today, so I cant and wont complain... 2 more days and I have 2 more days off... Must be do summink with yee olde bank wollyday!! :) I finally cleared my old MSN out and then got Richard to change all the details on it so that I can no longer access it. Ive carried 13 contacts over to my new address with me. (down from about 200 + that I had access to.) It was by no means Richard that told me to do it... Im just sick of being able to run to nob heads who make me feel better about myself when im feeling down about things and I think its about time I cut all ties with them anyway.... However, I did forget to put Jonno on my new contacts so need to let him know somehow! Ill text him!! (if ur reading this jonno.. so sorry! LOL) I think Im running pretty late, but I conna be arsed to move... My bum seems stuck to this space. I am going for a meal with Richard and his friends tonight which I am quite looking forward to... Ok.. Im not "quite looking forward" to it... I cant fucking wait!!! LOL!!! Gonna have a bazillion fish fingers chips and beans... Or maybe I should choose something a lil classier.... Nahhhh!!! Richard apparantly pulled his chest while jumping on a trampoline in his mates back garden... (Im not even going to START asking questions about that one...but didnt like seeing ma baby injured!) so he is unable to go to Alton Towers with Mr Harris today... Think they are re scheduling for a couple of weeks... Probably for the best actually as harris thinks hes got diabetes or the plague or summink and has to have blood tests this morning so they wouldnt have got their till late anyway (oooh he such a drama queen... he soo reminds me of me!) ... Has anyone seen the weather outside btw!? Fookin disgracefuk! How the hell Im meant to stand outside sunning myself on my dinner today is totally beyond me...Hmmm... I think Ill make a purchase of a mini sun bed canopy that I can drag around with me... Me and my mum went for a walk last night and she was talking to me about her losing weight... she said.. "its just on days like this, it would be nice to say to u... lets go westport lake on our bikes" I replied... "yes, and I would say, I aint got a fookin bike..." and she said "ok, it would be nice to just me go around westport lake on my bike..." I replied... "but, u aint got a fookin bike neither... AND, if u did have a fookin bike, I would pish myself watching u drag it down 6 flights of stairs..." She gave up the conversation after that... Right... I gots to go work!! AGH!! I got like ten minutes! :) *hugs*

"If your not the one.."

2005-06-01T07:09:00.000+01:00

"If You're Not The One" If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all I'll never know whatthe future brings But I know you're here with me now We’ll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life? If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife? I don’t know why you’re so far away But I know that this much is true We’ll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with And I wish that you could be the one I die with And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with I hope I love you all my life I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? ‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today ‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right And though I can’t be with you tonight You know my heart is by your side I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

Another quote xxx

2005-05-31T21:34:00.000+01:00

"Some Day You'll Cry For Me Like I Cried For You, Some Day You'll Miss Me Like I Missed You, Some Day You'll Need Me Like I Needed You, Some Day You'll Love Me But I Won't Love You"

re-wind.....Re-Spin the web of lurve sum1!!

2005-05-31T00:01:00.000+01:00

Hola... The web of lurve has been re-spun... After a bit of a chin wag last night when Richard came around to give me my money for Dublin,(im not going into it but lets just say I am a very emotional gay!) we decided to give things another go. (so as to say, I wouldnt let go of his leg as he was trying to walk out until he agreed to give me another try!) And got to say, I went out to newcastle last night, and I have never felt more wanted with him...Something felt different... Even though we were in newcastle and with his mates (fay, who I happen to think is the best geezer bird ever!) it was made into quite a romantic night.... dont kno whether it was just me that thought it, but I defintiely sensed a bit romance between us, and when we got back ere it was lovely... hugglez galore!! Today went to newcastle carnival... Got a bit drunken then had some fish n chips to soak it up and sobered up... then ate half a pizza... and some chinese egg fried rice... and some ribs... Diet again tomorrow...mwah! xxxx

The morning after the night before...

2005-05-29T12:26:00.000+01:00

Still feel absolutely gutted... Bloody ell... Id slit my wrists but blood makes me feel sick, Id suffocate myself with my pillow but i dont want to mess my hair up, id take an overdose but we only have vitamin C in, id hang myself but I have no rope... Glad to see ive still got my sense of humour eh... xx

Another quote xx

2005-05-28T20:10:00.000+01:00

"I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I’m going to smile."

Back on the shelf with a bump

2005-05-28T19:47:00.000+01:00

Dont wanna talk about it... Going to just go out tonight and get off my trolley then face the reality tomorrow mornink... Reminder to myself tho... No gaydar... No outpages... No faceparty... No anything... They never did me any good then and they certainly wont now. xx

Work?! WHAT WORK!?!

2005-05-28T09:42:00.000+01:00

Good Morning, bloody hell... I got really really drunk last night.. When I say really, can I please emphasise the REALLY!? It was a case of not even been able to dance around a hand bag... More of a case actually of me being so hammered that people were dancing around me and using me as their handbag! I just felt shockingly pissed... managed to not spend many pennies tho so thats the main thing I suppose! Just wanted to write to let u all know I am indeed alive!! :D xxxx

11 stone 5 and counting...

2005-05-26T06:35:00.000+01:00

Although I am not going to the gym tonight and am going out for a meal with kazduckuk and Beverley Anne, I have managed to get down to 11 stone 5 which Im really pleased about but Ill probably not stay at it... actually seeing as I have awoken so early, I may do a few situps... *one...two.... three... three.... three....* Oh fuck that for a game of soldiers!! Dont know if anyone has noticed but some links have been added on the blogs that I regulary read... the fact that one of the people doesnt even know I read their blog is besides the point completely!! LOL! Some of them are a good read and some of them just never fucking update!! Anyway, I figured that Im getting quite clever at this whole blogging business... I now have a counter, a photo, and some links... Woo hoo!! Web hosting here I come... Maybe not eh?? Tee hee hee!! It seemed it was spoil adie night last night... Firstly, I had a card off Jasey poo reading " To Adie, You have been having some not so good days lately, and I just want ya to know Im always here for ya. Always will be. Be happy :) and never forget how great you are. Love Always Jasey Xxxxxx" Im keeping this card up for the next 3 years.. I look at it and I smile.. Big thank you to Jasey :) Anyway, then Richard came around last night for a couple of hours and bought with him groovy gowgeous new case for my nokei 7610... It looks absolutely lovely and Ive been meaning to buy one for yonks but never have the spare money for em as in the shops they cost a fookin fortune!!!! So... Big thank you to Ricardo as well... :) So overall yesterday, twas rather good.. .Just lookin forward to the weekend now, even if I am working :( xxx

love me, love me flab!

2005-05-25T18:14:00.000+01:00

Just consumed a yorkie mint and a mars bar twista thing.. fuck it xxxx

I dont wanna talk about it...

2005-05-25T07:21:00.000+01:00

Well Girls and Bois, tis 7.22am and Im already at work... I dont wanna talk about it but lets just say Im a bit of an idiot and when management say "who would like to leave at four tomorrow!!" I jump down their throat before Ive even thought that I cant get here for 8am without starting off at 7am and I cant get home until 5pm. ..... but, alas, my mouth is too big so I was ere for 7am as i hitched a ride with kazduck and it looks like im going to be at the gym for about 5pm... Piss take int it... Actually, speaking of the gym, Ive been mon tue and going tonight then friday and sat... And ive cut down a little bit on what Im eating... So why the hell have I put a pound on.... I really wanted to lose a bit of blub this week ready for the weekend!!!! Ill put it down to the weight been muscle building up... Load of bollocks but thats my excuse and Im sticking to it!! Tell ya what though, Am so fucking sick of the kids in the gym... Its getting to be a total piss take.. Some little fucker even shit itself yesterday... I was forced to write comments on the "feedback book" and politely wrote that "some little fucker is going to seriously injur (marvellous) or even kill (a bonus) themselves if you dont fuck the little twats off!" They dont even monitor the shitfaces.... Anyway, im starting to think that even though it is tres convenient to go to the gym as its 8 min walk to where I live, whats the point when I cant get on anything apart from a fucking bike for 45 minutes a night!!! Id prefer to pay a bit more and go to a pissin decent one!! However, then we have the whole problem of how to get there.... Wonder if they provide transport... they would if they knew who I was Im sure!! ;) Didnt get up to much last night. I was meant to go out to town with a couple of mates but I genuinly fancied a night in on me lonesome...its not that I have no friends u understand...hell no! Plus, I have £3.00 to my name until Friday ... I felt absolutely pooped though last night so went beddy byes quite early!! Awoke around 12am and read my email then went back into a deep deeeeeepppp sleep until around 5am this morning where I awoke every 2 bastard minutes to the sound of a fucking pigeon or blackbird or somethin giving me a rendition of "morning has broken..." I think he was going for a medal...Ive heard opera singers make less noise!! I opened the window and shouted "WAHHHHHH" at the top of my lungs in a bid to scare the bugger off, but the little bastard just sat there lookin at me like I was a cunt... and believe me, I felt it... This week, I am doing the tesco online shopping to see how what I buy compares to what my mum buys... I think Ive done quite a good job so far but not sure whether I should have put the "12 cases of wine" in my shopping trolley... we shall have to see! In other news, Estha Rantzen has responded to my letter about the abuse I have suffered over the past few days, She has suggested me calling 0800 11 11 11... I tried it and they wouldnt speak to me because I was over the age of 16! I asked them if I could pretend I was 15 and they murmered something about me being "just another pervert" and put the phone down on me...Tuh.. However, as u know, I do not give up easily and so have composed a letter to Jim'll fix it asking if he could arrange either:- A.) Karate lessons for me B.) A personal bodyguard for me Or..... C.) A Hitman to "get" Richard! I await his response! Xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox

Fookin ell Fire!!

2005-05-24T08:08:00.000+01:00

Good Mornink Got to be quick.. Ive overslept like a bitch!!! Not too impressed with myself right now actually!! I have got to have a bath and get ready for work in like... 22 minutes... is that undo able!? Not for me!! In fact, Im allowing myself 2 whole minutes to write this... Thats how confident I am!! Went the gym last night and followed this by a chinese (quite a healthy one as fat as chineses go though!) Anyhoo, I have weighed myself and Im 11 stone 6... 6 pound to go and Im at my final target ready for my 21st... it quite important that I get to that... Not because I want to stay at it by any means... Just so I can say that I did it!! :D In other news... I think someone has referred to me as Cem of strictly dance fever... They did actually say Gem but Im sure they meant Cem... The only similarity that I see is that we're both extremely bog eyed.... But lord... If I look like that.. someone shoot me... Please... now... Plans for this week... Tonight, may be going out in castle for a drink but maybe not... wed will be seeing richard, thursday, my sister is coming around, and friday (PAYDAY!) seeing richard... Saturday think Im seeing richard again but he has to confirm it... Then Sunday, Im not sure yet... we shall see xxxx

Wot a lovely day....

2005-05-22T22:08:00.000+01:00

Hellope! Hows everyone doing?! Ive had a fabulous day today... The barby last night was rather ace... I didnt step foot outside because Im a gay and I feel that its very important that I keep my gay status in this big gay world... Anyway, It was a really nice night and I got happily hammered and fed for a little over 8 pound... A bargain if I ever saw one!! Means I havent actually smashed my budget either... my mum even paid for a curry for me tonight!! Doing so well... Diet time tomorrow.. (again!) I actually have a reason that I want to diet at the moment though!! I want to "TRY" and get to 11 stone for my 21st birthday... So thats about half a stone I have got to lose.. maybe a couple of pound more after the bitch of a dinner ive just eaten actually! We shall see... So.. I feel like ive had a proper break this weekend and am ready to start tomorrow as I mean to go on (kicking and screaming!) Lots of Love Drun xxx xx x

www.gaylooking.co.uk

2005-05-22T11:14:00.000+01:00

Woops... last one deleted! heheheh x

A F*#KING BARBY?!!?!?

2005-05-21T16:40:00.000+01:00

Has anyone cared to look out of the window this afternoon?? Tis raining felines and mutters... There is noooo way no this earth, even with the bestest will in the world, that someone is going to be able to light a barbecue in this. And let me be honest, Even if they were successful in lightin the fucker, the buns and "salad boxes" would be a lil soggy.. Cant help but think thats someone "up there" is taking the piss... Anyway, fuck the sandles n sarong... Wheres me friggin anorak!? ;) xxxxxx

"If the world is a stage then I want to operate the trapdoor.."

2005-05-21T13:23:00.000+01:00

Well... Another Saturday is ere... Richard stayed last night and we went to the cinema to watch "monster in law" I was likened to Jane Fonda in it... I disagree muchly though! We are like chalk and cheese! For starters,there is no way I would never ever... EVER wear clothes without rips or patches in em!! She was far too ungay to be me!!! Otherwise, Pretty spot on I reckon...we would both like to pan J.Lo in the face with a saucepan anyhoo and thats close enough for me!! Muahaha! Going to a barbecue tonight... I was hopin to wear just my shorts and sandles in proper aussie barbecue style but apparantly Ill be either booed out of the place or put on a spit if I go like that according to bitchie... actually he didnt say that... I made it up... But he did look at me like Id just come out of a very cheap, very nasty Christmas cracker when I made the suggestion so I thought I wouldnt throw in whether he thought a nice pink sarong would go with my shorts! heheh! Dont think Ive got much more to say today.. Think Im going to go to the gym in a momento because when Richard left, I pulled out all the stops and proceeded to eat my way through the kitchen... One ready made meal, one "concoction" that I found was saved in the freezer (that ended up tasting a little bit like death) and one alpen bar (with squirty cream) and lemon cheesecake muller lite (with single cream in it and squirty cream ((WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!?!!)) equals my tummy not being too impressed with me and my awful greed!! Catch u laterz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx xx x

Stupid question time....

2005-05-20T13:32:00.000+01:00

WHERE DOES SNOT COME FROM? I felt the need to ask this due to my recent "giving birth to several little green babies from my nose"... I searched the web to find an answer and concluded the following :- What's Running?To understand why your nose runs, you need to know what mucus (say: myoo-kus) is. This is the gooey, sticky, slimy material that's made inside your nose (also known as snot). Believe it or not, your nose makes a cup full of snot every day! For something kind of gross, mucus does a lot of good. It keeps germs, dirt, pollen, and bacteria from getting into your lungs by stopping them in your nose. But sometimes mucus doesn't stay put. Reasons for RunningIf your nose is running, there are several possible explanations: You have a cold or the flu - When you have either one of these, your nose goes into mucus-making overdrive to keep the germ invaders out of your lungs and the rest of your body, where they might make you even sicker than you already are. You know what happens then: The mucus runs down your throat, out your nose, or into a tissue when you blow your nose. Or it can fill your sinuses, which is why you get that stuffy feeling. You have allergies - Kids who have allergies get runny noses when they're around the thing they're allergic to (like pollen or animal hair). That's because their bodies react to these things like they're germs. You're crying - When you cry, tears come out of the tear glands under your eyelids and drain through the tear ducts that empty into your nose. Tears mix with mucus there and your nose runs. Baby, it's cold outside - When you're outside on a cold day, the air in your nose is a lot warmer than the air around you. You know how the bathroom gets steamy when you take a shower? Something similar happens in your nose - water drops come together, or condense. Then the drops mix with your mucus and run out your nose. Stoppin' the Runnin'If you have allergies or a bad cold, your parent or doctor might give you some medicine. A decongestant (say: dee-kun-jes-tunt) or antihistamine (say: an-tye-his-tuh-meen) could help you breathe easier and dry up some of that mucus. But sometimes the easiest thing to do is - you guessed it - blow your nose! So there u have it... Another question answered... I would go on about how u test for bollock cancer as richard felt the need to do it to me on Tuesday night... but I shall refrain for now but confirm that it was not as my lovely pregnant big lil sis said yesterday... ("u see, u put one in dee mouf and say... Woh no, no lumps there..!!) Will write laterz.... Mwah... xxx

I have a counter!! (How clever am I!?)

2005-05-20T07:16:00.000+01:00

Good Mornink! I officially have a "counter!!!" Got it this morning... Never realised how clever I was (or how simple they now make it to add such lovely little gadgets onto your pages!) It will show me how many people are viewing my page as Im sure there must be more than actually leave comments (otherwise I am just extremely unpopular... In which case... pass me the razor blades!!) Ive awoken in quite a good mood although Im lookin like something out of "The thing- Revisited" as I have not had a shave since sunday ish... Its not a pretty site... I was gonna hold out until tonight but I get a feeling I may get a telling off at work if I dont.. Have not sang a scale yet to see if my voice has come back... Its still a teeny bit sore... Lets have a go.... "Tree tree treee tree tree *choke splutter gagg!!" Nope... still poorly! Fuckitttt!!! Ricardo went to see girls aloud last night and had a pretty good night apparantly... I was in two minds whether me and Jason should have gone to see them but I get really stressed with screaming kids so I thought better not do...thats the trouble with most bands I like so I think if I ever do go see someone, it will have to be someone sensible like elton john or diana ross... "Youth at G*Aloud concert arrested...onlookers say that he was standing and smiling, and then appeared to be having a fit. The next minute he was swinging 8 year old martha around by her hair for no apparant reason...The youth has been identified as 20 year old Adrian Williams and claims that "noone should laugh at me fookin dancing then...should they!..." The case continues.... Hmmm... Think Im seeing Richard tonight... Dont know what we is doink tho... Not got a clue... Will look forward to it tho... Cant see me being happy and smiley for work today to be honest... think I just want to go in, get the job done and come home as quick as possible xxxx

Im not dead!!

2005-05-19T21:23:00.000+01:00

I thought I had better write now as there are rumours flying around that I have indeed thrown myself in front of a bus after the last entry I wrote... im pleased to say to all of my adoring fans out there (and even happier to tell the cunts that hate me) that Im here, im queer, and still sporting a sexy rear!! (or maybe not.. hehehe) Not much has happened today... Work seems to be getting worse by the day and I seem to be getting quieter and quieter all the time.. Pretty sick of people assuming that when they are feeling miserable that I will cheer them up. Sometimes I just want to be left alone!! Also got a bollocking today for only pulling in 40 calls yesterday.. the fact that half of the arseholes in the call centre who dont know what theyre doing bang calls through to me all day is besides the point apparantly. (this means they get the "point" for picking up the call and then just transfer it to me! Rude bastards!) I actually had a full blazing row with one of my "bosses" about it as she is the worst offender for givin me her shit when she cant be arsed to work and then was trying to tell me I needed to pull more calls in... At first I thought she was jokin... she then said "cant u take anything seriously?" so I went ape shit and threw a few things in her face. (and just loud enough for everyone else to hear to!)... and THEN she asked why I was "being shitty with her" I told her to make up her fucking mind whether she wanted me to be jokey or serious with her because if she wanted me to be serious I had a lot more to say to which she walked off and when she came back didnt mention it again....I didnt bother mention that 90% of the time, she doesnt even notice whether Im doin any work cos shes either having one of 7 half an hour breaks with her friends, or talking to her friends on the phone. The FACTS are that 90% of the time, I pull in the most calls by far on our team closely followed by another lad and if I dont then it is because I am actually spending the time on a call rather than fobbing it off on some other unsuspecting bugger! Yesterday I could hardly speak, let alone have conversations with customers all day..(have had a very very bad throat u see... ask anyone... was really butch sounding!) but i turned into work (wont be doing that again if im poorly) and tried (although I tried to do admin for our international department if I could) Anywayyyy... enough about my moan... I got praised up by the account managers in another meeting.. Like hearing it but would prefer that they actually acknowledge it by giving me something as apparantly I have "saved" one of our customers (who happen to be one of the biggest that my team have!) anyhooo, Im on the lookout for another job at the moment... But im being EXTREMELY fussy about what kind of one I go for!!! Anyway... Have managed to tidy my room a bit although it needs a pissing good hoovering.. Cant actually get to the dyson at the moment though with the new kitchen been fitted (which looks rather marve by the way!) Rightr...moody entry there.. am not actually in a mood... just dont wanna work tomorrow!! will write in the mornink if I get chance!! :) x xxx xx x

Im gonna make a supersonic man outta you!

2005-05-18T07:28:00.000+01:00

Ok...I had in in my head that this morning I was going to tell you a joke that i heard last night from Richards mate... Unfortunately, although I can remember the jist, Im not 100% sure of it and dont want to appear unfunny (how morifying would that be... If i got four comments that were : ... Id have nightmares! Went to the pub last night and had me dinner.. Was rather nice... In fact, it were bloody luvley!! Trouble is that they are all gays in there and me and Richard at different times have snogged the manager...(admittedly I cant even remember doin it.. I was informed that I did the next day!) *yack yack yack!... Isnt that insestuous?! Anyway, dont think either of us were too bothered as he not very beautiful at all compared to us two adnois's! Overall it was a rather nice night except that I kept chokin half to death... I was not best impressed with myself... Was willing myself to shut the fuck up! Have been a bit ill through the night and mum says Ive been snoring like a bitch... But I dont feel too bad today... The cough has "hopefully" died down a little bit! Anyway, im not doing anything tonight, nor tomorrow I dont think.. Richard is working till 9pm tonight and hes going to see girls aloud tomorrow..... Im super duper skint until next Thursday and only wanna spend money on stuff that I actually wanna do so no point inviting randoms out is there!? ... I got a house full of food anyway so I gonna bloody eat it!! :D Bit of a boring one this morning.. Sorry! Ill have to throw myself in front of a bus or summat.... we need something a bit more headline dont we?! LOL xxxx

Ive had the rest of you, now I want the best of you..

2005-05-17T06:13:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I was Mr boss man for a day! The senior co-ordinators for both teams rang in work sick, so I assumed the position.. and flew... Did a fucking brilliant job if I do say so myself! In fact, I did that good a job that I am personally thinking that they should sack the two people that were off sick and give me their jobs and a big fat wage to go with it... I dont see what the problem with that would be anyway... Failing that, Im going to have to bump the pair of fuckers off... Dont really want blood on my hands... but then again, I always said the same about Poo and then chose to be a gay! Muahahha! I have been soooo miserable this last week its been unreal. I think the only day Ive really forgot about things was sunday afternoon and evening and relaxed for a bit. *deep healing breaths* and yesterday, I came to the end of my tether.. There is only so much that you can do before all of a sudden you think "ok, enoughs enough... this is a piss take" and decided to "set myself free" if you like...Not because I wanted to... Not by any means... Anyone who knows me will know that certainly wouldnt be the case... But just because I felt part of some viscious circle that is showing no signs of breaking. (wheres me fookin scissors!?) Sooo, Richard came around last night, and we talked.... A last bid attempt at trying to make a go of things me thinks... and Im going to be myself and not try to play one up on everything that he says/does. im going to be who people know me as (and might I add love..) instead of a needy mess.... At the same time he is going to try to make more of an effort and use his noggin a bit... as always I will keep you posted.... Its such little things that make me happy you kno... Once upon a time I wrote (I think on either this diary or my www.ultrax.blogspot.com one) that I wanted the fairytale relationship... I wanted flowers, chocolates, little gifts etc etc... And Ive surprised myself at how much of that, I dont actually give a flying fuck about... Its such stupid little things that mean the world to me... Im actually quite a low maintenance gay boi!! (Altho it must be costing richard a fortune buying rose petals to throw everywhere I walk!) Right... gonna be offskies me thinks.... Need to bve at work for 7am... Finishing at 3pm... cant see me going to the gym... not been since last wed no it wont make THAT much of a different (surely?!?!?) Think Im going to the Noahs Ark tonight for some din dins which should be marvellous... Ive found ten pound too... heheh! :) xxx Oooh.. and im fookinn dying... my throats killing, I havea big fat cold sore up my nose... and Im not best impressed with anyyy of it!! LOl xxxx Sooo...

2005-05-16T07:25:00.000+01:00

Stacey, Ian and Scott yesterday in some random pub!! LOL xxx

Funny old day!

2005-05-16T07:18:00.000+01:00

Went to manchester yesterday and got to say it was an absolutely fantabulous day altho at one point we did think that two police peoples were eyeing us up ready to arrest us... All cos we was drinking a lil ribena in the train station!! Shockin... NEway ended up getting back at about 12 am and my budget is officially busted!!! Was a good day tho!! :D xxxx

Am I the last of the romantics??

2005-05-15T08:49:00.000+01:00

Was just reading my book... Quite a nice bit in it:- "You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what your doing, where you are, who your with and if you are OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and you can protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, and love every part of you, even your flaws. You should be with someone who makes you happy, really happy, dancing on the air happy. Someone who will be with you and not to too scared or too afraid to try." Its probably just me that thought that that particular little section in my book was really nice. So nice infact, that I havent read another page and have come on ere just to write an entry about it!! I think in ways, I live in a fantasy world where I hope that my life will take the same path as some big sloppy love novel... Doesnt happen in reality though does it. Big thanks to Bev for the book BTW... Where rainbows end...Tis sooo good! Went around Richards mum and dads house last night. His parents and sister were away for the weekend.. Was strange taking a step into his life... Felt I was invading a tad tho as his family dont even know hes gay, let alone know I exist...But I did meet Stan the dog whos a beauty and it was a good night.. Felt like I had not seen him in a while. (was only thursday and friday... but ya know what Im like... ) We had a curry and watched some telly anyway.. I had been tempted earlier in the night to just go out and get paraletically pissed with my mates again but I am glad I didnt now... Just as I was told I would be. ;-) I guess Im just confused about a few things at the moment and Im trying to do what I think will make people happy..Well, not so much what will make people happy but what I feel that I should be doing... But, ultimately at the end of this... Am I going to be smiling?? *Ponders on that one while humming "It'll be lonely this christmas"* Anyway, enough of that one for now... I finally found out what the big deal about KitKat chunky white were... Theyre bloody lovely... I will defintiely be making another purchase of them soon!! Think I may be going out today... Was meant to be going to manchester but I dont wanna go to be honest :S .. ooh.. weight is back up to 11 stone 7... knew it would be... still kool tho xx XxxXxxXxxXxxX

I found it!!

2005-05-14T08:22:00.000+01:00

Rest assured... the £20.00 is safe in my pocket!¬

2005-05-14T07:51:00.001+01:00

A picture they both probably regret... oh dear......

2005-05-14T07:51:00.000+01:00

I quite like this photo... Notice the lemon on there again!! ehehhehe xxx

2005-05-14T07:50:00.000+01:00

Me and the resident lesbian! Bout time we had a decent pic... Whats that on me ear tho... Some other random piercing that someone has not told me bout!?!?!? LOL xxx

Cockles and musclessss alive a liveee HOOOOOO!!!

2005-05-14T07:27:00.000+01:00

Ive been considering the sad fact that MAYBE (only maybe tho) I update this a lil bit too often so have not reeaallly ever got anything interesting to say... U know what I say tho.... ermm... bollox! =oD Ive just checked my cash and for some reason I seem to be 20 pound down in my little money drawer..... Not quite sure whats gone on... No doubt its some cock up Ive made somewhere along the line but it isnt making me feel any better... In fact... Tis making my head hurt... Im hungover... Im tired... And Im an adie... :( Well, I went out last night and had a rather nice night...Spoke to someone who really offended me and my life a fair few months ago... They took me in a room at the back of the club and told me how much they "used it for shaggin" while I waffled about richie... LOL... Had quite a decent conversation until I got home and he kept texting me sayin "hey bird (fucking bird!?!?) when u free for drink and porn!?!?! I mean?!!? DRINK AND FUCKING PORN!!?!? how rude... Obviously, I didnt get my point across to the fucker too well!! Anywayyyy... Dont know why every twatto taht I go out with insists on dancing like bitches all night!! Yet again, Adie was there doing his 80's porno dance (tis somewhere in between the Mr Bean dance and a gay 80's porn star having sexy!!) ... and yet again any "street cred" that I had built up during the night was visciously snatched away from me! Tis a fine shame for me you know... I have considered dancing lessons... But I cant help but feel that I am a useless cause... Anyway, Where the fuck is this money.. I KNOW that I grabbed £40.00 out of me drawer and then had £20.00 in my wallet... and now... theres no money in me drawer... should be £20.00 im sure... Hmm... Has the money fairy been and taken it away again... got a habit of doing that hasnt it!! I know, Ill text me mum...shes probably borrowed it!! I was actually alerted to the fact that I was very nearly meeting up with my ex and his better half last night... Now, I know everyone loves hating their other ex boyfriends/girlfriends/trogs and their new betrothed, but the trouble is, I actually quite like his! Hes mates with Mark and Julie who I went out with last night and I think hes a top banana! Dont think my ex deserves him but there is no accounting for taste!! Do you think him and his bf and me and bitchie will ever go out as a foursome?? Nahh?! Me neither!!! But I am honestly ready to see him with someone else now ANNNND to be happy about it! Think it helps that Im with Richard otherwise Id probably be singing a rendition by Celine Dion Titled "All by myself" while slitting my wrists! Have been ready to see him with sum1 for quite a while... In fact, what the fook am I waffeling about!?!? He was with someone about 6 months ago... tho i did think he was a coont and still do! LOL! Dont like how people keep it from me incase it "hurts my feelings" tho... I dont give a fuck! LOL xx Lastly, I seem to have picked up a white "standup for any issue that u can think of" wristband... What it means or where it came from I will never know but I am now officially in the wristband "click" .... yeah right.. gonna bin it me thinks xxx Right then! Im going to go jump in the bath to wipe the vile stench of death off me... If anyone finds £20.00... Its mine!!! LOL xxxxx

Enough of the misery...

2005-05-13T21:04:00.000+01:00

Fuck it... Im going out with my mates to the club tonight! But Im at work tomorrow (woh no!!) so Ill keep u updated tomorrow on my hangover!! Also I should mention that I am total livid with vodafone! They have made a proper fuck up yet again with my bill... although cos it was in repair for so long last month I have 857 anytime any net minutes to roll over!! Hurrah!! Write tomorro xx

Some random lovey dovey quotes.. ya know how I like em.. xx

2005-05-13T16:34:00.000+01:00

" So often we don't say 'I love you' because we fear losing someone,but more often we lose them because we fear saying 'I love you' " "The day you finally decide to love me will be the day after the day I have given up on chasing you" "Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult" No Guy Is Worth Your Tears & When You Find The One That Is He Won't Make You Cry" "I was reborn when you first kissed me. Part of me died when you left me. But now I still live, waiting for the day you return to me." "I understand that with loves comes pain, but why did i have to love so much?" "When I First Saw You I Was Afraid To Talk To You, When I First Talked To You I Was Afraid To Like You, When I First Liked You I Was Afraid To Love You, Now That I Love You I'm Afraid To Lose You" Never stop smiling, because it could be that smile that someone falls in love with. Awwwww xxxxx

2005-05-13T16:30:00.000+01:00

another photo from the shoot thing xxxx

What a random day...

2005-05-13T16:02:00.000+01:00

Helloo.. Well... Was sooo poorly bad yesterday... Bit of a stress going on to be honest... When Im ill I panic... Dont like it at all.. I managed to crawl into work yesterday and once I was there I sooo wished that I had not bothered and so about an hour and a half after I arrived I got a taxi home.. Talk about round the frigging riggin and ALLLLL Just to prove that I was not skiving like everyone else in the place... I was starting to feel a little bit better last night to be honest and thought I would try and have something to eat... but unfortunately, as soon as I did, I regretted it, and within an hour I was home and feeling pretty poorly bad again.... today has been the same.. I must admit I have eaten beans on toast and one round of a sandwich i should have eaten yesterday and I feel sicky sicky sicky again.... Its a good job Fi Fi has cancelled on me probably... hey ho.. I have told work that I am going to be in tomorrow... I thought, even if I have to drag myself in by my teeth, surely I can make 4 hours there! LOL.. Should also attempt to go to the gym as well...Bout time really.. not been since tuesday!! Have I got much else to say?? Hmmm... Not really... Nothing much to talk about..Ive not had too good a week actually..... May be seeing Richard tomorrow night. If not then will be finding someone to go out with instead as work are no longer going out,,, am damned if im stayin in on a friday, AND a saturday night on my lonesome tho!! Oooh.. and the kitkat chunky white things came.. theyre staring at me... *runs away* .. xx

Good news!

2005-05-12T07:29:00.000+01:00

Im 11 stone 6!! Id like to thank "The Sizzling Wok" (TM) For this... I hope I get to repay the favour sometime... Fuckers.. x